


All the Lights in New York

by TheDumbBrunette00



Series: Rafael Barba x Reader- In Love With The ADA [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Meet-Cute, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-03
Updated: 2017-04-12
Packaged: 2018-09-27 23:58:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 22,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10057811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDumbBrunette00/pseuds/TheDumbBrunette00
Summary: After an accident brings the reader and Rafael Barba together, neither of their worlds will ever be the same.





	1. The Accidental Encounter

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Thank you so much for reading! I have fallen down this SVU rabbit hole and I seriously cannot get out. I hope you enjoy! Don't forget to comment your thoughts down below and leave your kudos! Be sure to bookmark for updates when I post next!

The hot sun beat down like a hammer on a nail, and the black, long sleeve uniform you were forced to wear whenever you worked a gig did nothing to alleviate your discomfort. Sometimes you wondered why on earth you didn’t just quit this shitty job and go work somewhere else, a place preferably with air conditioning and people who didn’t refer to you as “the help,” but then you would look out at the water and close your eyes and feel the yacht swaying underneath you and remember that this was, perhaps, the best place in all of New York, it just sucked that you couldn’t enjoy it.   
“(L/N), hurry up with those Daiquiris will you?” your manager yelled at you.   
“Yes sir!” you called back as you loaded the crystal glasses filled with pink strawberry mixture onto your tray and stepped out onto the main deck.   
The main deck was filled with flashily dressed members of high society, plastic surgeons, lawyers, government officials, all of them rubbing elbows and laughing at each other’s boring jokes. None of them really liked each other, and they all knew it, but it was their duty if they wanted to stay in the upper class without becoming a social pariah. And besides, who wouldn’t want to sit on a yacht all day sipping drinks and doing nothing?  
A man grabbed a drink off of your tray without giving you a second thought and brought you back to the world.   
Don’t get distracted, you warned yourself, that’s how accidents happen.   
You walked around the deck and dozens of men and women kept wordlessly and thoughtlessly taking drinks off the tray and sipping on them. You had to admit, you were a tad jealous, strawberry daiquiris were your favorite.   
The crowd thickened near the bow of the yacht, a small group had gathered around a man in a flamboyant yellow and pink outfit complimented by a pair of khaki shorts. With a hawkish nose and dark black hair combed back, he seemed to be telling some sort of story, flailing his hands in excited motions to keep the crowd glued to his every word.   
You walked around the edge, men and women alike taking drinks off the tray and replacing them with emptied glasses from previous drinks. The tray was full by the time you reached the center of the group and with no drinks left to offer you decided to turn back and head to the kitchen to restock and clean up.   
That was when it happened. The ringleader of the crowd made an abrupt gesture just as you passed him, his hand connected with the corner of the tray sending the crystalline glasses crashing to the ground in a spray of broken glass and shocked gasps.   
“Oh god, I am so sorry” you said, feeling your cheeks turning bright red as you bent down and began to pile the broken glasses onto the tray, “it was all my fault.”   
“Nonsense” said the man, “here let me help you.”   
You began to lift your head to look up at him and tell him that wasn’t necessary when your skull made contact with the man’s nose. A sickening crunch sounded and he let out a cry of pain, holding his nose which was now dripping with blood.   
Crap, you thought, I am definitely getting fired. 

Well, it was broken, but that didn’t surprise him. What did surprise him was that the waitresses head was strong enough to break his nose. He’d need to wear a splint for a couple of weeks, the doctor had told him, and as if that wasn’t bad enough, the impact had caused bruises to develop around his eyes so now he looked like he’d been on the wrong side of a fight with a couple of thugs. There was no way that this wouldn’t be the talk of the town by now, though that really didn’t concern Rafael Barba, what did concern him however was whether or not he could appear in court, as today might be his day off but tomorrow he was prosecuting a case that the team had been working on for months and if he had to call in a substitute and he had to miss out on seeing a serial rapist squirm he would be pissed.   
A knock sounded at the door, pulling him out of his thoughts and he saw it was the waitress from the yacht. She had changed her clothes so that she was no longer in her uniform and was instead wearing jeans and a t-shirt, with her she had a bouquet of flowers sitting in a vase. She had a guilty look on her face and gasped when she saw his face.   
“Oh my god” she said, “I am so sorry.”   
He nodded at her, “thanks for that” he said.   
She stepped in and placed the flowers on one of the tables in the room, “those are for you” she said, and then held out an envelope for him.   
“The card says “Get Well Soon” with a little bear on it,” she said, “I couldn’t find one that said “Sorry for Breaking your Nose with my head, please don’t have me arrested for assault.”   
At this, Barba couldn’t help but smile, he took the card from her, “thank you” he said, “and you don’t have to worry, I know it was an accident.”   
“Thank god,” she said, “but you can never know.”   
“No you cannot” he agreed.   
A moment of awkward silence passed between them before she extended her hand.   
“I’m (y/n)” she said.   
“Rafael Barba” he responded shaking her hand.   
When he released it she turned awkward again and began to back towards the door.   
“I should go,” she said, “I’m sure your family will be here any minute to take you back to your car.”   
Rafael grimaced at that and shook his head, “my mom doesn’t drive” he told her, “looks like it’s the subway for me.”  
Her face softened and her look turned sympathetic, “well, won’t one of your friends from the yacht come?”  
He let out a mirthless laugh, “please, would you really wanna leave a yacht party?”  
She laughed with him, “I guess not” she said, “but you can’t ride the subway wearing that.”   
He looked down at his outfit, “what’s wrong with it?” he asked.   
She laughed again, “nothing, it’s just very clear you came from a yacht.”  
He laughed, “well, what do you propose I do then?” he asked.   
She sheepishly looked down at her feet and her smile disappeared, “I...I could take you” she said.   
Rafael turned this over in his mind for a moment, looking the girl up and down. She was certainly pretty, and he glanced over at the flowers and card she’d got him. She was certainly not threatening.   
“Alright” he said, “if it’s no trouble.”   
“No, not at all” she said, turning up to look at him, “it’s the least I could do.”   
He gave her a smile, “thank you.”   
“You don’t have to thank me” she said, “I broke your nose.”   
“I’ve had worse done to me” he said.   
She smiled and grabbed her keys from her pocket, “well come on then” she said, “it I’m really about to invite a strange man with a possible vendetta against me into my car then I wanna get it over with as soon as possible.” 

He didn’t make it to court the next day, or the next day after that. He’d called in sick both times, giving some excuse about a family emergency and said that he’d work from home. He hated not being able to go to the office, hated being stuck inside his apartment, so on the third day he decided it was time to go back to work.   
Just as he suspected, his injury was the talk of the office, everyone coming up with wild and outrageous stories to try to explain how on earth he got injured, he didn’t have the heart, or the pride, to tell them the truth.   
It was about two-thirty when Carmen walked in and knocked on his door, “Mr. Barba” she said, “Mr. Daminico is on line one.”   
“Patch him through” Rafael said and Carmen nodded, exiting the room. Moments later the phone in his office began to buzz and Rafael answered it immediately.   
“ADA Barba” a cheery yet somewhat serious voice said on the other line, “glad to have reached you, you were out the past few days.”   
Andrew Daminico was something of a legend in high society New York, and the owner of the yacht where Rafael had had the unfortunate incident with the waitress, committing one of the biggest faux pas you could commit while at a party with thirty or so well-to-do men and women, and that was to one, associate with a servant, worse yet, get your nose publically broken by said servant.   
“Glad you could take time out of your busy day to call me, Mr. Daminico” Rafael responded.   
“Please” Daminico said, “I just wanted to call and apologize for what happened on Sunday.”   
Rafael touched his nose self consciously, it wasn’t the first time he’d broken his nose, he’d grown up in the Bronx where broken noses were as common as rats in the Subway. This was, however, the first time someone had genuinely felt bad about breaking it though, and the first time the person who’d broken his nose offered to drive him home safe. All in all, it was probably the most enjoyable broken nose experience he’d ever had.   
“No it’s fi…” he began before he was cut off by Daminico.   
“No, it’s really not” he said, “I already called the service to complain, they fired the waitress and then I called the cops and reported her for assault.”   
Rafael’s stomach turned cold when he heard that, and the image of the sweet girl who’d cared enough to bring him flowers in the hospital standing behind bars appeared in his head.   
“You did what?” he asked, his voice turning serious and he could practically see Daminico’s face fall.   
“Well I just assumed…”   
“You assumed wrong,” he said angrily, “and I can fight my own battles without you, now where did you send her?”   
“Raf…”   
“Where is she, Andrew?” 

Your head pounded and your eyes burned. You’d been crying for almost an hour and a half now. You’d really thought he would understand that it was just an accident, that the stupid card and crappy flowers from Walmart would have made him forgive you, but for all his smiles and banter, he was still part of the 1%, and he was just like the rest of them.   
The sound of keys scratching into the lock and tumblers turning made you look up, a cop stood outside and opened the door, then he stood aside.   
“Alright Miss (l/n), you’re free to go” he said.   
You looked at him in confusion for a moment, “I thought I was under arrest?” you asked.   
The cop rolled his eyes, “charges were dropped, now come on, or you can stay in there if you want I don’t care.”   
Quickly you stood up and wiped your eyes, you walked out of the cell and flinched when the cop shut the door behind you. He led you out of holding and handed you back your things, your cellphone, your jacket, everything they’d forced you to hand over. Then he led you out front to a small waiting room where you were met with another shock, Rafael Barba pacing anxiously back and forth and stopping to look at you when you entered.   
“What are you doing here?” you asked with an edge to your voice that you only reserved for drunk pervs at parties and the douchiest of douches in classes and on the streets when you walked home.   
Barba seemed not to notice though, and stared at you with the same, sad puppy dog expression in his green eyes that he’d had when you’d asked him where his ride was at the hospital.   
“(y/n)” he began, “I am so sorry...I…”  
“Save it” you said, “what, you just did this to get me fired and scare the crap out of me, then you come down here, wealth practically dripping off you just to laugh at me? Well screw you.”   
Tears pricked at your eyes again and you willed them away as best as you could, you could not cry in front of this man or else he would think he had won...but hadn’t he already? You’d gotten the call from your boss firing you from your job this morning, and before you’d even had time to process that, a knock sounded at your door of your townhouse and two cops walked in and arrested you to the horror of your roommate, Beth, who’d started hysterically crying and screaming about calling a lawyer or something. You’d been humiliated in front of your whole block and now you were sure rumors had spread throughout the neighborhood about you selling pot or beating up some rich guy and, oh god you weren’t sure you could ever show your face there again.   
“Are you done?” Barba asked, he walked over to you, “because I need to explain.”   
“Look it was an accident okay! I didn’t mean to embarrass you…”  
“You didn’t” he cut you off, “it wasn’t me who called your boss or the cops, it was Daminico.”   
For some reason, you felt your body relax when you realized it wasn’t him, which was weird, what did you care who turned you in or not?   
“And you dropped the charges…”   
He nodded, “I am so sorry” he said, and it sounded like he truly meant it.   
You tried to give him a smile but even you could tell it was weak and pathetic, “thanks” you said, “now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go hail a cab.”   
You tried to walk past him but he grabbed your arm, a chill ran through you at his touch and you inhaled slightly, as if a jolt of electricity had run through your body.   
“Please” he said, “do you even have your wallet on you?”  
Oh crap, that was right.  
You shook your head, tears threatening to spill again, “so, I can just walk home, it’s only two or so miles away” yet even that felt like a marathon. You were exhausted, both physically and emotionally, you couldn’t even imagine walking down the steps of the precinct, let alone the twelve or so blocks it took to get to your apartment, and then there were the stairs and…  
“No, you won’t” Rafael protested, “I’ll drive you back home.”  
You shook your head, “I’m fine.”  
He looked at you up and down and raised his eyebrow, “really? Doubtful.”  
“So what? You’re a psychologist as well now?” you asked sarcastically.   
“A blind man could see you’re not alright, let me drive you home...please” he said.   
“Are you begging me?” you asked.   
“If I said yes would you stop being a stubborn idiot and let me drive you home?”   
You felt a smile tug at your lips, “maybe.”   
“Then yes” he said, “now let’s go.”


	2. The Black Chicken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader and Barba go out for drinks and a shocking crime is committed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey you guys! Thank you so much for all the positive feedback for the first chapter! Please don't forget to like and comment your thoughts on this chapter as well as bookmark for updates when I post next!

“It’s right here” she said as Rafael stopped outside of a small, brick townhouse, her voice causing him to jump as for the most part of the car ride she had remained silent, at one point nodding off.   
He pulled the car to a stop and she undid her seatbelt.   
“Thank you” she said, “you didn’t have to play my Uber though.”   
He laughed, “I kind of did, I felt guilty.”   
“You should” she said, “if your nose was just a bit stronger than we wouldn’t be in this mess.”   
He shot her a look but she smiled at him, “just kidding.”   
He laughed again and he saw the ghost of a smile appear on her face.   
“Well, thanks again” she said, as she got out of the car. She walked up the steps to her front door when Rafael was struck with an idea and, very impulsively before he could properly turn the idea over in his head, rolled down the window and called out to her.   
“How about you grab a drink with me sometime?” he asked and he instantly regretted it.   
What was he doing? She was at least ten years his junior and after what she’d just been through, partially because of him, he doubted she would even want to see his face again in the paper, let alone go off and have a glass of whiskey with him. He felt his cheeks turn red.   
Then he saw her turn back over and walk to his car. She had her arms wrapped around herself and she looked awkward, but she nodded nonetheless.   
“Yeah, sure” she said, “as like a date?”   
His heart skipped a beat, had she really just said yes?   
He nodded, “Yeah, I mean...I guess… it doesn’t have to…”   
“Alright” she said, “I’ll give it a shot.”   
He smiled at her and he felt as if his chest were going to burst.   
“Nice” he said and pulled one of his cards out from the stack he kept in his dashboard. He turned it over and wrote the number to his personal cell on the back, “call me and we’ll set it up.”   
She took the card, “I will” she said.   
Suddenly, the door to the house opened and out poked a small, blonde haired girl about her age.   
“(y/n)? Is that you?” she called.   
“Yeah” (y/n) called back, “I’m coming.”   
She turned back to him and put the card in her pocket.   
“I’ll text you later” she said before turning and running up the steps of her house before he could even respond, all he could do was look at her, with the biggest, stupidest smile ever on his face. And that big, stupid smile stayed with him all the way home. 

You wanted nothing more than to just collapse onto your bed and sleep, but then he asked you out for drinks and got your head racing and now it was one in the morning and you were still awake, staring at the ceiling fan as it spinner around and around blowing cool air throughout the room.   
His number weighed on your mind like a dumbbell. The card of his he’d written it on sat on your desk amid the piles of schoolwork and your laptop. The whole desk was just a pile of stress and you wondered how good it would feel if it just didn’t exist.   
You rolled over and turned away from the mountain of stress and, once again, tried to will yourself to sleep, but it was no use. Each time you came close something would change it, like maybe the pillow would be too hot or your mind would start wandering back to the holding cell or the car ride or all the stupid edits you had to make on your rough draft before you sent it back to the editor just to have another five thousand things to do before it could hit the shelves, and then you would have to roll over and start the whole process over again.   
Finally, after about an hour of repeating and re-repeating the process you just said screw it and climbed out of bed. You slid into the rolling chair at the mountain of stress and flicked on the lamp above, it casted a dim light on all the clutter, seeming to highlight the brilliant, white card of ADA Rafael Barba.   
You picked it up and ran your finger over the raised letters. You had to give the man credit, he knew how to make one hell of a business card. For the thousandth time that night you flipped over the back and stared at the loopy handwritten number for his personal cell.   
You turned away and opened your outdated, eight year old laptop and waited for it to startup. When it did you opened your browser and typed in his name into the search engine and almost immediately a hundred or so news articles came up, all having headlines like “ADA Puts Two Johns Away in Manhattan” and “Rafael Barba attempts to Prosecute Gay Man for Hate Crime against LGBT+ Community.”   
No social media sites came up, so the only real way you could learn anything about this guy was through the articles. From what you saw he was successful, intelligent, a good lawyer, but that wasn’t really anything you didn’t know, you met him on a yacht for crying out loud he had to be successful, and the three piece suit he wore to bail you out did scream LAWYER.   
Then you came across one that caught your interest, it was an old article written back in 1988, it was scanned in and grainy, but you could still make out the headline, “Bronx Boy Gets Full Ride to Harvard.”   
You opened the article and flicked through,   
“Rafael Barba, 18, a second generation Cuban Immigrant and Valedictorian at St. Michael’s Catholic School has defied all odds and has received a full ride scholarship to Harvard. Barba has not yet decided what he wants to major in, yet he does know he wants to help his community saying, ‘growing up I saw the problems in my neighborhood and school, and I’ve always wanted to change them, to help people and make the world a better place.’”   
A little farther down was a grainy black and white image of a young boy with a bright smile in a polo shirt and pants, probably a uniform of the Catholic school he went to. He was younger and the confidence he carried around with him the last few times you’d met him was absent, but there was no mistaking him for the man whose nose you’d broken only half a week ago.   
You re-read the article, unable to imagine the wealthy, arrogant man you’d met telling a story to an adoring crowd on the yacht being anything but just that. Thinking of him once upon a time just being a poor boy from the Bronx was almost impossible.   
Suddenly your phone began to buzz as your alarm went off, signaling it was close to five in the morning. You hadn’t slept at all.   
It would be better if you just skipped classes today, you thought, just to catch up on sleep and try to collect your thoughts.   
However, when you did dream it was lucid and strange and you could have sworn that a certain lawyer made a guest appearance, leaving you with more questions when you woke up then when you had when you first went to bed. 

It took her a day and a half to call him, and when she did it was in the middle of court and he only got the call after he turned his phone on at six at night.   
He called back right away and she picked up on the second or third ring.   
“Hello?” she said into the phone.   
“Hey,” he said, “sorry about missing your call, I was in court.”   
“It’s no problem” she said, “just calling to see whether or not you’re still up for that drink sometime.”   
He smirked, “Of course” he said, “that’s why I asked you.”   
“Okay then” she said, “are you free tonight?”   
“Why, couldn’t wait to see me again?” he asked and worried for a moment he would be coming off too strong, but she laughed.   
“Please, if I really was desperate to see you again I could always call and get myself arrested again” she said.   
He laughed a little at that, “How about at eight, The Black Chicken?” he asked.   
“The Black Chicken?” she said, “is that even a bar?”   
“It used to be a speakeasy back in the day” he said, “it’s downtown Manhattan, you need me to pick you up?”   
“I’ll take a taxi, but thanks for the offer” she said, “I’ll see you at eight.”   
“Sounds good” he responded.   
Then the call ended and Barba took a deep breath still not totally sure what he was doing, but knowing that whatever he was doing made his stomach feel like it was full of butterflies and his heart beat fast in his chest. 

You didn’t exactly know what type of bar Rafael would take you to, so you decided to play it safe and wear a pretty, light pink dress which came down to your mid-thigh. You paired it with a leather jacket you’d got on sale at Target the week before and a pair of black heels leftover from your first job interview in High School.   
You couldn’t take all the credit for your killer look though, as Beth was in your room the entire time giving you advice and seeming more excited about your date with Manhattan’s Sex Crimes Assistant District Attorney than you were.   
“Dear God, if he doesn't just wanna bang you right then and there something must be wrong with him,” Beth said from where she lay on your bed, watching you as you finished up your look with a dainty pink lipstick that matched your dress.   
“Beth, please…” you started, but she cut you off.  
“What,” she said, “you look bomb as hell, and trust me I would know.”   
You around and winked at Beth, causing he to laugh.   
You had first met Beth your freshman year of college when you’d been assigned as her roommate. At first when you’d met the pretty, blonde haired, blue eyed, size negative two, bombshell that was Bethany Ann Rhodes you were positive you would have problems, and dozens of stories to tell your other friends later in competitions on who had the best roommate horror stories, but, thankfully, you were proven wrong.   
Turns out, Beth was nothing like you’d first assumed her to be. She was probably one of the most confident and hilarious people on the face of the planet, also she was a raging lesbian, a title she wore with pride. And, yes, while she was wild and dramatic, she was also smart and genuine and straightforward. Needless to say you and her had not fallen into that traditional stereotype of roommate hatred and loathing, rather you became best friends and, in your senior year of college, moved out together and bought a small little town house on the upper east side of Manhattan.   
Both you and Beth were in the process of getting your masters, her in genetics and you in teaching. She always teased you about how pretty soon she would be the breadwinner of the house and you could just sit back and play housewife. However, if anyone else ever said the same thing to you, Beth would have them on the floor in three seconds flat.   
She was one of the most important people in the world to you.   
“So, you promise you’ll give me all the dirty details when you get back, right?” Beth asked.   
You rolled your eyes, “yes ma’am,” you said.   
“Good girl,” Beth said, rolling off the bed and coming up from behind to hug you, “promise me you’ll be safe?”   
“Promise” you said, “though I doubt the ADA of Manhattan would do anything to me.”   
“Carry your pepper spray with you just in case, will you?”   
“Alright, I got it” you said and Beth smiled.   
Just then, your phone buzzed, you looked down and saw an alert from Uber, signalling that your ride was here.   
“Have funnnnnnnnnnnnn!” Beth sing-songed as you slipped on you heels and jacket and grabbed your purse.   
“I willllllllllllllllll!” you replied, mimicking her tone, you took one last look at yourself in the mirror before taking a deep breath, going outside, and getting into the Uber. 

God, had she stood him up? He always knew that it was a stretch given their...history, but he hadn’t pinned her the type of girl to just fake ask him out on a date.   
He’d dressed down, removed his vest, pocket square and tie, he’d undone the top button on his dress shirt and tried not to make himself look too much like a lawyer. He’d been able to remove his split today, and the swelling and bruises around his eyes had almost disappeared. He held a bouquet of flowers in his hand, roses and lilies in red and white, he just hoped he wasn’t coming off too strong or sudden or creepy or…  
Breathe, Rafael, he told himself, it’s eight pm in Manhattan and she’s taking a cab, traffic is probably brutal.   
A bell signaled the arrival of a new patron to the bar and Rafael turned around, hope flooding his chest just to see it was another businessman looking for a drink.   
Just as he was about to give up all hope that she was coming, the bell sounded again and she was there. She looked beautiful, if somewhat stressed as she scanned the room relaxing when her eyes settled on him.   
She made her way over to the table and sat down next to him.   
“I’m so sorry,” she began, “traffic was insane, I swear it would just have been faster to walk.” She let out a little laugh and rolled her eyes, flipping a piece of hair out of her eyes.   
“It’s no problem,” Rafael said, “what do they say about being fashionably late?”   
She laughed again and he smirked.   
He handed the flowers over to her, “these are for you” he said.  
“Thank you,” she said, taking the bouquet from him and setting them down on the table.  
She took a deep breath and let out a huff of air, “so,” she said, “how about that drink?” 

Two glasses of wine later and you were already feeling a bit of a buzz, you supposed Rafael was as well as the three whiskey’s he had seemed pretty strong. You’d spoken little of anything but small talk yet you weren’t complaining, his sarcasm was almost a match for yours and he wasn’t to bad on the eyes either.   
You took another sip of your Rosé and he downed almost half of his drink. He swallowed and set down the crystalline glass, using his thumb and forefinger to wipe around his lips. He turned back up to look at you, his piercing green eyes sent a shiver up your spine.   
“Tell me about yourself,” he said.   
You set down your glass and rested your chin on your knuckles, smirking at him, “what do you wanna know?”   
He smirked back at you, “Let’s start off easy,” he said, “what do you do, besides waitress and break noses?”   
You laughed, the alcohol making you giggly and a bubbly warmth filled you, “well, I’m working on my masters, hoping to be a High School English Teacher, and I also have a book I’m working on getting published,” you responded.   
Rafael raised his eyebrows, impressed.  
“Tell me, what’s the book about?”   
And that question sparked an almost thirty minute conversation, only it wasn’t really a conversation as you were the only one talking. You just rambled on and on and on, seemingly unstoppable as you told him about the complexities and struggles of writing based on a classic, in this case Shakespeare’s Macbeth, and how you came up with the idea after playing Lady in Waiting no. 2 in your High School’s Production.   
For the most part, Rafael just sat by wordlessly, clinging onto every word, occasionally asking questions about the plot, your main character, Maighread, a lady married off to Macduff in the beginning of the book after he becomes king.   
“And you came up with this all because you wanted to make play practice more interesting?” he asked incredulously.   
You nodded, “I needed something to do, between takes they just made you sit silently in a backstage AV closet with the other cast members.”  
“Sounds like being slighted in a play might’ve been your big break, ironically,” Rafael said.   
You nodded, “I like to think of it that way, I failed at acting only to find out that I excelled in writing.”   
Rafael smiled, “forever the optimist, aren’t you?”   
“I try my best,” you said.   
Rafael opened his mouth to say something else but your phone began to buzz, you were about to flick it off until you saw Beth’s name flash on the screen. She would never have called while you were out on the date unless it was an emergency.   
“S-sorry” you stumbled, “I have to take this, if you’ll excuse me…”   
You stood up and accepted the call, stepping away from the table as the call connected.   
You heard crying on the other line and your heart skipped a beat.   
“Beth?” you asked, “Beth, what’s wrong?”   
“Oh my god, oh my god, please, come home, I just don’t know what to do…” Beth sobbed on the other line.   
“What happened? Is everything alright?” you asked, panic rising.   
“No,” Beth cried, “no, I tried to fight them off, I opened the door, I thought it was just the pizza guy, or a neighbor or something, oh god, I should’ve used the peephole…”   
“Beth,” you asked, “what happened?”   
“I was raped” she screamed before dissolving into sobs, “I was raped.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this was a super long chapter, thank you for making it to the end! Thanks for reading! <3


	3. Beth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the shocking attack on Beth in the last chapter, the reader tries to make sense of what happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey you guys! I hope you enjoy this chapter! This is dedicated to my friend, Miranda, the Angelica to my Eliza, the Madison to my Jefferson, the Scylla to my Charybdis, you are one of the greatest friends a girl could ask for! Love you!

When you’d first met Beth, you’d expected her to be a party girl. She was loud and free and so, so confident. Within seconds of her first introduction to you, you’d already made up your mind as to what to expect as her roommate, and that perception hadn’t really changed until almost three weeks later.   
You were rushing back to your room after a sudden snowstorm had cancelled class and your professor only bothered to tell you once you’d arrived to your eight AM British Lit class.  
You fast walked to your bedroom, desperate to strip off the ten layers of coats you were wearing, slip into your pajamas, and slide back under the thick blankets in your bed.   
You fumbled with the keys when you reached your door, your hands like ice, numb and red and you promised to remember to put lotion on them later on before they got chapped. You opened the door and were instantly met with the whimpers of your roommate.   
Beth jumped when you’d entered, she apologized and tried to wipe her eyes, doing her best to look presentable, but you told her it was fine and took pity on your roommate. You tore off your coats and went to go sit by her and you just sat there and let her cry and rant to you about her parents and her missing her aunt and cousins and just college and life in general. You didn’t speak about the incident again, but when she came home two weeks later after a party to find you sobbing after your jerk boyfriend had dumped you for your best friend back home, she returned the favor.   
It had become something of a tradition for the both of you, whenever the other was upset, you would let them cry and talk for as long as they needed, seriously talk, no jokes unless the other person made one first, cancelling plans if it was serious enough to warrant it, and never bringing it up again or using it against the other.   
And all you could think about as Beth sobbed on the other end of the line was how quickly you had to get home.   
What happened after her admission was a blur. You vaguely remember telling her to call 911, and you think you walked over and explained to Rafael why you needed to go home. You think he jumped up and asked to give you a ride home, you must have agreed because here you were, sitting in the passenger seat of his car as he drove down to the hospital.  
Rafael was on the phone with someone named Olivia, a friend of his who he’d said worked sex crimes. Apparently two detectives had already been dispatched to meet with her. He ran you through the process of what to expect when you got there, trauma and rape kits and doctors, he told you you might not be able to see her straight away and when he registered the panic on your face he reassured that the detectives, Carisi and Rollins, were good at their jobs, it was just to make sure her confession wasn’t coerced and that she was safe. Even though he wasn’t trying to be, he was comforting in some strange way.   
Rafael spoke again, breaking the silence that you hadn’t even realized was there.   
Snapping out of your thoughts you turned to look at him, “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear,” you said.   
“I asked if you’re alright” he said.   
You felt your chest constrict at the thought of your own emotions. You hadn’t given much thought about how you felt since you’d gotten the phone call from Beth, all your thoughts had been focused on getting to her, making sure she was safe and telling her that she was loved.   
You had thought you were fine, but now as you turned his question over and over in your head again...you weren’t sure.   
You nodded, “I’m fine,” you said, “I just need to...process things I guess…”  
“Normal” he said, “sounds like you’re in shock.”   
You shook your head, “I’m fine” you said as a chill swept over you and you realized just how inadequate your clearance rack leather jacket was at keeping you warm.   
Rafael must have seen you shiver because as the car pulled to a stop at a red light he took off his suit jacket and handed it to you.   
“Here” he said, draping it over your chest, “it’s not much but it’ll work for now.”   
You nodded and pulled the jacket closer to you, it smelled like coffee and aftershave and a hint of some spice that you couldn’t describe, like something sharp and sweet that took you back to when you were younger on Christmas morning, the pure sensation of excitement and joy all culminating in one magical day when magic seems probable and life seems nothing but smiles and goodness.   
The car pulled to a stop and you were jolted back to the real world. The bright neon lights of the hospital hurt your eyes and you squinted as you Rafael opened the car door and helped you out.   
The entire hospital was bright and sterile with white walls, decorated with smiling stock photos of models advertising healthy eating and new drugs to treat a variety of illnesses. You stepped up to the emergency room counter, a nurse looked up at you when you entered.   
“My roommate, Bethany Rhodes, she was brought in by ambulance a while back, she was…” the words stuck in your throat, it was different speaking them, it made them real, turning them over and over again in your mind meant nothing suddenly.   
The nurse gave you a look of pity before checking through the computer and asking you to follow her as she led you down the hall. Rafael’s hand on your arm brought you some comfort as you stood outside the door to Beth’s room.   
“The detectives are already in there with her” the nurse said, “but you can go in.”   
You thanked the nurse and she walked away.  
“I’ll wait out here” Rafael said and gave your arm a comforting squeeze, “your roommate, she’s going to have to testify, they might call you too.”   
You nodded, the idea of going up in front of a room full of strangers and reliving the phone call made you want to vomit. But Rafael looked you in the eyes and you felt yourself nod.   
“We’re gonna catch them” he said, “and I’ll put them away for as long as I can.”   
“Thank you” you said.   
Rafael gave you a small smile, “it’s my job.”   
You smiled, “you don’t have to stay” you said, “I think I’ll be here a while.”   
“Alright” he said, his hand traveling down your arm before entwining with yours, “call me if you need anything.”   
You nodded, he gave your hand another squeeze before you broke apart and he turned to walk out the hospital. It was only after he disappeared from sight that you realized you were still wearing his jacket. 

It was just another night to Detective Sonny Carisi. He and Rollins had been called in almost an hour ago and, just as they pulled up to the hospital, received a call from Sergeant Benson, telling them the case was a special interest, why he didn’t know, it seemed pretty standard.   
Bethany Rhodes, twenty-six, working on her masters in genetics, was home alone after her roommate, (y/n) (l/n), went on a date. A knock sounded at the door and three masked men forced themselves inside, raped her, and left. She called her roommate, who would be meeting them any second now, and then called 911 to report.   
They were still waiting on the rape kit so Rollins and him were asking questions, did they say anything? Did she know them? Can she think of anyone who would want to hurt her? Stuff like that. When Rollins asked her if she had any ex-boyfriends the girl let out a small laugh and just shook her head.   
“I’m a lesbian” she said, “my only boyfriend was a kid from my third grade class and that lasted about an hour before I realized I liked his sister more.”  
He felt bad for the girl, he really did. No one deserved what ad happened to her, but for her, a girl who had been nothing but straightforward and kind to them since they’d arrived despite the circumstances to be so violently attacked made his blood boil.   
A knock sounded at the door and Beth jumped, she looked up hopefully as it opened and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw the girl standing in the doorway.   
The girl was dressed up in a nice dress and her makeup was done, a man’s suit jacket hung off her shoulders above another leather jacket. Her eyes were filled with worry at the sight of Beth and she raced over to her the moment their eyes met, wrapping her arms around her and hushing her as a fresh wave of tears began.   
“You must be (y/n)” Rollins said.   
The girls pulled apart and Beth wiped her eyes, the girl nodded and slipped her hand into Beth’s.   
“Okay,” Rollins said, “I’m Detective Rollins and this is Detective Carisi.” She gestured toward where Carisi was standing at the foot of the bed.   
The girl nodded before turning her attention back on Beth, stroking her hair and telling her it was alright, asking her if she was okay, a question to which Beth just nodded and bit her bottom lip. Carisi felt like he was intruding in on a private moment.   
“Can we...have some privacy, please?” Beth asked, turning her gaze away from her roommate and glancing at them for a moment.   
Rollins nodded and stood up, ushering Carisi out of the room and into the hallway.   
“We’ll need to get a statement from you still ma’am” Carisi said to the roommate who nodded in response.   
“Of course,” she said, “whatever you need.”   
Carisi gave her a small smile before exiting the room with Rollins. 

You were at the hospital all night. Beth had wanted you to come back with her for the rape kit. You’d held her hand through everything, every invasive procedure, swab, photograph, you were right there.   
She looked worse for wear. A bruise had formed on her jaw from where one of her attackers had punched her, and her eye was swollen over to the point where she couldn’t even open it anymore. Not only that, but one of the sick fucks had bitten her chest, leaving a nice ring of teeth that should be damning evidence whenever they caught them.   
Apparently there had been three of them, each one had...taken a turn with her.   
Just the thought filled you with the murderous rage that rivaled that of Jason Voorhees.   
Beth had mostly calmed down since the assault. They’d given her some painkillers and some Plan B, as well as something to prevent HIV and some blood work was being done to rule out any STDs. All Beth wanted to do right now was sleep, and you felt the exact same.   
It wasn’t until about six AM the next morning that she was finally discharged and you were allowed to take her home, though neither of you were very thrilled about going back to the house where the attack had happened. You decided to settle on leaving Beth in a hotel while you would go back to the house and get whatever the two of you needed for a few days.   
The cab pulled up to the house and put the car in park. You thanked him and paid him before he drove off. You’d left Beth at the Best Western you’d rented out for the next three days and let her shower, you’d bought a new set of pajamas from the nearest Target you passed that you’d given her to change into after she showered. The hospital had taken her clothing as evidence so all she had was a pair of scrubs that they’d given her.   
You stood outside the front door, a piece of caution tape still stuck to the wall, they’d finished combing over everything hours ago. You ripped the tape off angrily and threw it to the ground, no doubt between you getting picked up by the police and Beth’s attack you and her were becoming the talk of the neighborhood. You almost laughed at that...almost.   
You opened the door and walked inside only to discover that the house looked...well...like a crime scene. Papers and objects were strewn about the house, fingerprint powder was on the countertops, some garbage was on the floor. It was a sight that made you even more stressed than you already were.   
Frustratedly, you ran your hands through your hair and let out a huff of air. You just wanted to get in and out as fast as possible.   
You raced to your bedroom and filled a duffel bag with clothing and books and your laptop. You then packed a bag for Beth, grabbing one of her textbooks off her desk, just to let her feel like things weren’t too different, even though you were not letting her lift a finger for an entire week.   
Suddenly your phone began to buzz with a number you recognized as being that of Rafael Barba. You answered and almost immediately his voice came through the speaker.   
“How is she doing?” he asked.   
“Hello to you too” you said and you felt the ghost of a smile tug at your lips, it felt wrong to be laughing at a time like this, but it also helped you feel just a tad bit better, “she’s doing alright.”   
“That’s good” Rafael said, “and hello.”   
You let out a little giggle and quickly felt guilty about it.   
“They called me about the case today,” he said, “we’re gonna find these guys, I promise.”   
You took in a deep breath, “thank you” you said, “she’s gonna be in a hotel for a while…”   
“The state can supplement that,” he said.   
“No” you responded, “it’s alright, we’ll make do, and plus, it gives us an incentive to move on.”   
“Don’t rush it” Rafael said, “if you need any help you can always ask.”   
You giggled again, “we’ve been on one date you don’t have to offer anything.”   
“Maybe I like you enough to warrant a second one” he said, “plus, you have my jacket and I’m just worried what you’ll do to it.”   
You laughed and the butterflies returned to your stomach, his words were like a song, it sent chills down your spine and made your heart thump heavily in your chest. You felt like a little teen again thinking that true love was just like in the Disney movies where you could find someone by just looking into their eyes and thinking, “that one.” The entire thing felt too romantic to be true, yet that didn’t necessarily mean you wanted it to stop.   
“I should get going” you said, “just need to get back to Beth and all…”   
“I get it” Rafael said, “call me if you need me, promise?”   
“I promise” you responded, “goodbye Rafael.”   
“Goodbye (y/n).”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed! Thank you for reading! Remember to like and leave a comment down below and bookmark for updates when I post next!


	4. To Have and To Hold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth goes to stay with her aunt in Jersey, Rafael and the Reader bond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey you guys I hope you enjoy! Spent all night writing this while watching Institutional Fail and Nationwide Manhunt, two of my favorite episodes! Please don't forget to like and comment down below, also don't forget to bookmark for updates when I post next!

“I don't wanna talk about it anymore” Beth said, her voice was gravely and tight, her cheeks were tear stained, and she was clinging to her clothing defensively, curling up into a small ball like she was wanting to disappear.   
You sighed, it had been almost two weeks since the attack, you’d finally just gotten home from the hotel, you'd cleaned the house and ordered takeout, the night seemed fine, Beth went to bed at around 10 PM and at around one you woke up with a jolt to her screaming and crying.   
A nightmare.   
“We can go back to the hotel,” you suggested, not for the first time, “call a psychiatrist…”   
“No” Beth stated very firmly as she wiped the tears from her eyes and resolved herself, “I’ll be fine, I just need time.”   
“Beth…”   
“I’ve been to a shrink before,” Beth said defensively, “courtesy of my parents, and you know how that went.”She let out a mirthless laugh before she bit her lower lip like she could take it back.   
You placed your hand on her back and rubbed, normally you would never make her talk or try to pressure her into seeing a doctor, unless it was something serious, and this definitely defined as serious.   
Beth had told you about her visit to a shrink a few years ago back when you’d first become close enough to consider becoming best friends. Apparently her parents had not taken too kindly to her coming out as gay, which resulted in them taking her to some “shrink” prescribed by their super fanatical family friend. A few rounds of trauma inducing sessions later and Beth ran away to go live with her aunt Joy up in New Jersey.   
You didn’t hold it against her for hating and being distrustful of psychiatrists, but you knew the only way for her to get better was through professional help, someone equipped to handle this type of thing, you were a High School English teacher in training, not exactly able to give the best advice.   
But if she wasn’t willing to see a doctor, to get therapy, neither of you could keep living like this. Where she jumped at the slightest noise and stayed up half the night pacing and crying, worried they would come back to finish the job and keep her from talking.   
It hurt to see your once vibrant best friend so...broken.   
“Maybe you should stay with your aunt Joy,” you said, “this house holds a lot of bad memories, we should work on moving.”   
Beth turned to look at you, her bright eyes glistening, a mixture of emotions running through her. Pain, anger, fear, embarrassment, relief at the mention of moving, and you suddenly knew what you had to do.   
“I’ll call Joy tomorrow” you said, “I’ll work on selling the house, we can move closer to her, work on moving on, and when they catch these guys, you come back to testify and by then we’ll have a new place where we’ll both be safe.”   
“I..I don’t wanna leave you” she whispered after turning this over in her mind again and again, “if something happened to you when I was away I....”   
You pulled her into a hug and kissed her on the side of the head, “I promise I’ll be fine” you whispered, your own voice breaking.   
You had been the one who’d left her home alone, who’d gone on a date and have fun, and since you were gone, those three men broke into the house and raped her. You should have been there, but you hated thinking about what would have happened were you there.   
Had you been there, no doubt you would have been assaulted as well, or worse, Beth would have tried to protect you, you would have tried to protect her, and she said one of them had a gun, one of you could be dead.   
But then you would think that had you been there maybe you could’ve spooked them. Maybe you could have overpowered them, maybe if they attacked you as well they would have let her go, get off easy. Had she been the one to go out on the date and you’d been the one left home alone, violated, raped...somehow it didn’t seem fair that you got out unscathed.   
“I promise” you said, tears flowing down your face now, bearing the full brunt of your guilt right out in the open, right there in front of Beth, masked as pity. You didn’t know which one she would think worse. 

The next three days after Beth left, you didn’t leave the house. It felt so empty without her presence there. It was like you’d lost her forever, even though she kept texting to ask how you were every hour or so, but it didn’t matter, it was still like she was gone.   
Her aunt Joy had nearly raced down to New York to take her. She’d known about the attack once it had happened but she’d backed off when Beth and you claimed you hadn’t needed any help. She took Beth back to New Jersey with her the very same night she arrived. Beth had hugged you and you had hugged her back, tears filling both your eyes but neither of you brave enough to let them fall over something so seemingly silly compared to everything the two of you had gone through over the past week and a half.   
She’d agreed to come down for the trial, but you had your doubts as to when that would be. The only thing getting you through this was the promise that Rafael had made to you on the worst night of your life.   
“We’re gonna find these guys, I promise” the ghost of his voice whispered in your ear. “We’re gonna catch them” it said, “and I’ll put them away for as long as I can.”  
You closed your eyes as new tears formed. You’d never even gotten to tell Beth about how the date had went like you’d promised her what seemed like a lifetime ago.   
What would you have said about Rafael?   
You would have told her how much of a gentleman he had been. How he’d clung onto every word as you rambled on and on about your book like it was the Bible. How he’d looked attractive in his unbuttoned shirt and suit. How his face had relaxed and then tensed again once he’d seen you enter. About the beautiful flowers he’d given you and how the ones you’d given him at the hospital had paled in comparison.  
Maybe, had the night gone different, you would have told her about how he walked you home, and gave you his jacket because you were cold, not because you were in shock. Maybe you would have told her what his goodnight kiss tasted like, how his hands felt in your hair, how you had never wanted the night to end, and yet how when it had you’d wanted to skip to the next date right away.   
You would have told her all of this, had everything only gone to plan.   
Your phone rang and, without even looking at the screen you pressed the green answer button and pressed the phone to your ear.   
“Beth” you said hopefully.   
“Sorry to disappoint, just me” said a familiar voice on the other side of the line, one that matched the certain ADA who you had just been day dreaming about.   
“No, um, it’s good to hear from you” you said, trying to hide the obvious embarrassment and sadness in your voice.   
“Nice to hear your voice too,” he said, “for a moment I thought I’d blown it when you wouldn’t return my calls.”   
You felt a flush rush to your cheeks, he’d tried calling twice now, neither time did you answer, but that was mostly because the first one had been when Beth was just leaving and the second when you were deep into an eight hour marathon of Game of Thrones. Something to take your mind off of the trauma of the past few days.   
“I’m sorry” you said, “it was a..tough couple of days.”   
“I understand” he said kindly, “how’s Beth doing?”   
You took a deep breath at the mention of your friend and blinked back the tears that formed at the mention of her name.   
“Yeah, she’s visiting her aunt up in Jersey, she’s coming back though for the trial and any other statements you need, she just needs to get away for a bit.” you said.   
“Probably the first time anyone’s ever said that about Jersey,” Barba replied, this got you to break your first smile in days, “you sure she’ll be back though?”   
“Positive” you said, “she’s been calling twice daily just to make sure I’m alright, I say the word and she’s home in a second.”   
“Good” he said.   
He paused for a moment and the white noise of the phone the only noise between the two of you.   
“So how are you doing?” he asked, his voice sounded so concerned that the tears that you had pushed away came rushing back.   
“As good as I can be, I guess,” you said, your voice shaky and you hated yourself for it, now was not the time to break down, you could do that later while you were alone with no one but Cersei and Sansa Stark to keep you company.   
“(y/n), are you sure you’re alright?” he asked.   
The tears spilled over now, threatening to drown you like they were the ocean, yet still you nodded, it was mostly for yourself.   
“I’m coming over” he said, “if that’s alright.”   
You nodded again, and even though he couldn’t see, somehow you were sure he knew, because he suddenly hung up and all you were left with, was another ghost of his voice. 

A knock sounded at your door and you jumped. You hadn’t stopped crying since your conversation with your favorite ADA had ended almost fifteen minutes ago.   
“(y/n), it’s Rafael” his voice came muffled from behind the door.   
You paused the television and practically raced to the front door. You opened it and the moment you laid your eyes onto Rafael you collapsed into his arms and dissolved into sobs at his touch. 

Rafael Barba had never really known what to do when people cried, that was primarily one of the reason why he was such a good ADA. He never let the victims or witnesses tears affect him, certainly didn’t let the defendant’s pleads for sympathy get answered. Scientifically there was no reason for them, tears were simply something that moistened eyes and the idea that there would be an overproduction of tears due to sadness, happiness, fear, would have just been silly had it not actually been something every single human experiences.   
He always thought that it was best to just get the person to stop crying as fast as possible, no matter what. When his Abuelita died he had told his mother it was all his fault, held her while she cried and just told her to stop. He’d never understood why someone would use tears to cope with pain and loss. For him they only held the worst memories, ones that he’d want to keep tucked away for as long as possible and let no one ever see again. They were part of his past life, tears had no place in his life right now.   
Yet for some reason when he’d heard her voice break on the other side of the phone, he’d known immediately what to do. The compulsion to run down and hold her had been strong and suddenly that was the only thing on his mind.   
When she’d opened the door and he’d seen her puffy face and red eyes he’d been in shock, then she collapsed into him and he had felt panic swell inside. What was he doing? He couldn’t help her, he was so far out of his comfort zone what on Earth had he been thinking?   
Still, he’d helped lead her back inside and sit on the couch. The television screen the only light on in the entire house. It wasn’t too messy, but after everything that had gone on he couldn’t blame her for having a little mess and clutter.   
After almost ten minutes of being there she had calmed down significantly, she was still a little teary eyed and sniffling, but she wiped her eyes and moved the slightest bit away from him as if she were embarrassed by his presence, though truth be told he couldn’t blame her, he felt a little embarrassed about being there.   
“I’m sorry,” she said, “the house is a mess, I’m a mess...you didn’t have to come.”   
He shook his head, “it’s no worry” he replied.   
She swallowed and tried to compose herself, she stood up, “I’ll just go get your jacket and you can be on your way…”   
“You really think I came all this way just for my jacket?” he asked incredulously, a small smile forming at the corner of his lips.   
She shook her head, “no...I just...assumed you’d want to be going.”   
“Do you want me to leave?” he asked.   
She turned to him, “I didn’t plan on you seeing me like this” she gestured to herself, “though I guess you’ve already seen something like that, you did bail me out of prison.”   
“I did didn’t I?”   
God it felt like such a long time ago since that had happened, though the pain that sometimes came in his nose reminded him it had actually been little less than a month since everything had happened.   
It felt like the world was moving too fast and him with it, crashing into this girl, or rather her crashing into him, and now here he was, sitting with her in her dark and slightly unkempt house, holding her while she cried about her roommate and a rape, something he had previously never done, and still it all felt...right.   
He undoubtedly had feelings for her, feelings that drew him to her like a moth to flame. He’d only felt like that once before, when he was sixteen with Yelena, but he knew how that had gone and it still felt like a punch to the gut whenever he remembered it.   
“Do you want me to make you some coffee?” she asked.   
He nodded, “that would be nice, thank you.”   
She smiled and changed directions, walking into the kitchen. A few moments later she emerged with two cups of steaming hot coffee.   
“I assumed you liked it black” she said, handing him the mug.  
“You assumed right,” he said, “how’d you guess?”   
She smiled, “psychic I guess.”   
He laughed, “how do you take it?”  
“I don’t” she said.   
He looked down at her mug quizzically and she smiled.   
“It’s hot co-co-a” she said, drawing out each syllable in a way that made him laugh just slightly.   
He nodded toward the TV, “Game of Thrones?” he asked.   
She nodded, “you watch it?”   
“Who doesn’t?”   
“Favorite character?”   
“Tyrion Lannister, you?” he said.   
“Probably Theon Greyjoy, or maybe Sansa Stark” she said.   
“Theon Greyjoy betrayed the Starks and murdered two children! How could you possibly like him?” he asked, smiling a little.   
She shrugged. “Alfie Allen is just a really good actor I guess” she said.   
He raised one of his eyebrows and let out an exasperated puff of air.   
“What episode is this?” he asked.   
“The one where Daenerys loses her dragons to those creepy magicians” she said, “want me to put it on?”   
“Sure” he said.   
She pressed the play button and the image resumed on the screen and they were both lost in the world of Westeros, where all the problems were horrible but, at the end of the day, blissfully fictional.   
Soon enough he felt his eyes growing heavy, and he surrendered to the world of dreams.


	5. Conflict of Interest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Barba spends the night at the Reader's house, he awakes to a development in the case as the DNA turns up a match.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoy! Please leave a comment below to tell me what you think and click the kudos button, also remember to bookmark for updates when I post next! Thinking of doing a weekly schedule, maybe Tuesdays or Wednesdays? Tell me what you think!

You awoke before the sun had even fully rose in the sky, painting the world in bright hues of orange and pink and red. The television was still on from the night before, a message on screen asking whether or not you were still watching. By the sleep marks on your arms you were guessing not, and that you hadn’t been for quite some time.   
Rafael Barba lay asleep next to you, other than his tie being undone and the relaxed composure of his body, nothing was different about him. You racked your mind trying to figure out if anything NC17 had happened last night, only to find, with relief that the answer was no.   
Suddenly, Rafael stirred in his sleep and you were worried you had woken him, but then he readjusted himself, laying his head down on your shoulder and wrapping his arms around, and fell back asleep.   
You had to keep yourself from laughing at the fact that the ADA of Manhattan was cuddling with you on your couch. He hadn’t seemed like such a softie when you first met, yet now he seemed about as threatening as a teddy bear.   
Your phone buzzed with a text next to you and you looked to see six unanswered text messages, all were from Beth.  
“How r u?” read the first one sent at 10:30pm  
“R u asleep?” 10:42  
“I’m guessing ur asleep” 10:45  
“But it’s really early…” 10:48  
“R u awake?” 10:49  
“God damnit answer me!” 11:01  
You laughed a little, Jersey seemed to be doing Beth some good, the texts were ones that you would have assumed came from her a couple of weeks ago. That was a good sign.   
“How am I supposed to answer you if I’m asleep?” you texted back. You didn’t expect her to reply, it was 5:30 am and you would have been worried if she were up, that would have meant she didn’t sleep at all. Though judging by the texts she’d probably been up well into the night. When she didn’t reply immediately you felt yourself relax slightly.   
Rafael stirred again, this time his eyes opening slowly and him taking a few seconds to drag out a long blink or three. He assessed his surroundings, perhaps a little confused, but then his green eyes turned to you and he smiled, letting out a little laugh.   
“Guess we had a sleepover didn’t we?” you said, your heart beating faster when you were with him, the clouds that had been hanging over your head since that night parting if ever so slightly to reveal a hint of what might have been a rainbow.   
“Guess we did,” he responded, “did we…”   
“Reenact the car scene from Titanic? No, afraid not” you said cutting him off and he smiled, he still hadn’t let you go, you didn’t think he was aware he was using you as a body pillow, you weren’t sure if you minded or not.   
“I know we didn’t” he said, “I would have remembered that.”   
A blush formed in your cheeks and you felt a jolt of excitement and adrenaline run through you at his words.   
“I was actually going to ask if we did anything exciting, had a pillow fight, gossiped, just tell me you didn’t draw on my face after I fell asleep?” he said.   
You laughed again, “I think we just watched Game of Thrones most of the time, and don’t worry, I didn’t do anything to that pretty little face of yours” you said.  
“You think I’m pretty?” he asked, a mock curiosity to his voice.   
“Of course” you laughed, “what about me?”   
“What about you?”   
“Do you think I’m pretty?”   
His cheeks turned red and you took a small sense of pride that you’d managed to make a man blush with your question.   
Just as he opened his mouth to answer, his phone began to buzz from where it sat on the coffee table next to his empty mug. He quickly leaned over to grab it, breaking whatever spell the two of you had been in, his warmth leaving you and you realized you’d like his cuddles a little bit.   
He glanced at his phone and read the text message, his eyes widening as he read the screen.   
“They just got the DNA results back from your friend’s rape kit,” he said.   
You sat up, wide awake and ran your hand through your hair.   
“They did? They know one of the guys who attacked Beth?” you asked incredulously.  
Rafael nodded, he turned to you and gave you a mischievous smirk, “better” he said, “they know all three.” 

If there was one thing Olivia Benson hated more than rapists, it was stupid rapists, ones that thought that since they were acquitted of a crime their DNA just magically disappeared from the system. It did make for a quick and easy resolution to their case though, which was good.   
Carisi and her had went and picked up the first two perps, brothers Alexander and Matthew Goodall, with a team of other officers as backup while Rollins and Fin went with another team to pick up the third, Jacob Swin. She and Carisi had gotten back just moments ago, and right now she stood behind the interrogation glass as she watched the younger of the two brothers, Matthew, sweat.   
None of them had called a lawyer yet, which struck Olivia as a little odd, they had been in the system so they had obviously known the process, but they didn’t seem to be in any rush. Even though those crimes he been petty, theft and public drunkenness, they still should have known how this would go down.   
Wasn’t her problem though.   
The clicking of dress shoes alerted to her the presence of her favorite ADA and she turned around and was almost shocked by his appearance. He was disheveled, his suit a little wrinkled, his shirt the same one from yesterday, he wasn’t even wearing a pocket square.   
“Woah,” she said, “all nighter at the office?”   
Barba didn’t respond, only a vague raising of the eyebrows even indicated that he heard her, he sipped as his coffee as if to have an excuse to not answer her outright. He let out a small sigh as he turned to look at the perp.  
“This one of them?” he asked.   
Olivia nodded, trying not to be too distracted by Barba’s unusual demeanor and just focus on the case.   
“Yeah” she said, “Matthew Goodall, twenty-two, arrested at fourteen with his brother, Alexander, twenty-four, for shoplifting at a 7/11.”   
“How did they go from stealing slurpees to gang rape?” Barba asked.   
“Beats me,” she asked, “you know crimes always escalate though, one day their robbing convenience stores, the next holding up the cashier at a Walmart, then their assaulting people on the streets…”   
“But do we have any other arrests?” Barba asked, “usually we can track their MO, establish a pattern, people don’t just wake up one day and go out with their brother and a friend to commit a gang rape.”   
“We’re still looking” Olivia said, somewhat defeated.   
She loved Barba, but he was a handful at times.   
Still, she couldn’t blame him for being critical. When he’d called her about the rape, saying it was a special interest of his, he wouldn’t disclose why, which was again very odd, he had told her about Munoz and Eddie Garcia during the corruption case, this wasn’t anything darker than that. He’d always been a little private though, he hadn’t even told her his grandmother had passed until three weeks after it had happened.   
Whatever it was, she had to respect his choice and privacy, it wasn’t her job to pester him, it was her job to put away the men who’d brutally raped a lesbian woman in her home. Barba had nothing to do with that.   
“Get on it,” Barba said, “I already told her roommate we’d had a lead, ask her if she knows them.”   
“Why not just ask Beth herself?” Olivia asked.   
Barba swallowed and grew tense, “she’s uh...in Jersey, visiting her aunt.”   
“She left the state? And you allowed that?” Olivia asked incredulously.   
Barba turned to face her and grew defensive, “She couldn’t stay in the house Olivia…”   
“Well, the state can supplement her with a hotel…”   
“Her aunt was in Jersey, she went to go be with her,” Barba paused and shot Olivia a pathetic look, his green eyes practically begging her not to be mad with him.   
Damn him.   
“What about her parents, why didn’t she go stay with them?” she asked.   
Barba shrugged, “Not sure, ask the roommate, (y/n), right?”   
Now that got Olivia’s attention even more, Barba never knew witnesses names until the trial at least, and even then it was only on a last name professional basis, unless they were minors.   
“Is this roommate your, special interest, Barba?” she asked.   
Barba stiffened at this accusation and Olivia knew she was correct.   
“Don’t tell anyone” he said, his voice barely a whisper, but very tight and strong, “we were on a date the night Beth was raped, she’s...she’s a good person, credible too, she just wants to keep her friend safe…”   
“I know Barba, it’s just,” Olivia began, “don’t you think there’s a slight conflict of interest?”   
Barba rolled his eyes at her, “we’ve been on one date and had one very awkward encounter on a yacht, I can assure you there’s nothing to worry about.”   
“Then why do you look like you just came back from a particularly lucky night?” Olivia asked.   
Barba paused for a moment and licked his bottom lip, something he only did when he was nervous, and glanced down at the ground, “For your information, it was her couch and nothing happened…”  
Olivia rolled her eyes incredulously, “My god, Barba…”   
“No, Olivia, okay, just...stop!” he said a bit too forcefully, “I wanna catch these guys as much as you do and the DA already wants me to stay on the case so please just....stop asking questions about it, just do your job and I’ll do mine!”   
With that, Barba turned around and walked out of the viewing room, leaving a shocked Olivia alone and staring at him as he walked away.   
Carisi passed Barba as he walked out, he said a hello, which Barba ignored and kept walking. Sonny furrowed his brow as he came by to stand next to Olivia, handing her one of the two paper coffee cups in his hand.   
“What’s with him?” Carisi asked as Olivia played with the coffee stirrer.   
“Nothing,” she said, “just a rough night.”


	6. Crime of Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically just an episode of Law and Order SVU with Beth's case being investigated, this is exposition of who attacked Beth so I can start working on more Barba softie momements!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry for the lack of BarbaxReader in this one, this is really just a plot progression in the Beth storyline so we can get to the Barba and Reader in court scenes so I'm sorry if this is a little dull! Please be nice though and like and comment your thoughts, also please bookmark so you can get updates as to when I post next! 
> 
> Also DISCLAIMER this story will touch on homophobic topics and their may be some triggering material in here to do with conversion therapy and insane parents. I love you all and please don't read this if it makes you uncomfortable or triggers you in anyway!

“I told you, I didn’t do anything wrong…”   
“We know that’s not true, we have your DNA inside her Matt!” Carisi shouted back at the young man, who was currently trying his already nearly nonexistent patience.   
He’d been interrogating the younger of the Goodall brothers for almost an hour now and he still wasn’t any closer to exacting a confession. Even though he was the most likely of the team to break, he hadn’t which was extremely aggravating.   
Carisi slammed his hand on the table, making the man jolt, and he turned and ran a hand through his hair, staring at himself in the glass. He closed his eyes and counted to ten, he had to calm down or else he would end up just like Amaro, the elder cop had been a cautionary tale to him in his first year, something he had to remember even all these years past.   
One. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and clear your mind.  
Two. Think of something else once your mind is clear, go to your happy place.  
Three. He’s back in Bella’s apartment with his niece.   
Four. His niece is playing in her bouncing seat, she’s laughing at the bright colors and music that constantly plays every time the toy is turned on.  
Five. She’s happy, safe, innocent, completely and utterly pure.  
Six. The illusion starts to slip away.   
Seven. The mind starts to clear.   
Eight. The world around him starts to form.   
Nine. Exhale.   
Ten. Open your eyes and return to the real world.  
Sonny opened his eyes and turned back around to Matt.  
“I don’t think I should talk to you any more” Matt said, not meeting Carisi’s gaze.   
Sonny nodded and turned to walk out the door, just to be met by Olivia, her hand raised next to the door as she was about to knock.   
“Sonny, just coming to tell you, TARU got something.” 

“ChnageyourSinfulWays.com?” Fin said in confusion as he gazed at the website projected on the screen, “a conversion camp?”   
“Not exactly...” Olivia began but was quickly cut off by Carisi.   
“It’s an online forum for gays and others ‘living in sin,’ apparently both Matt and Alex have accounts.” said Carisi very matter of factly.   
“Okay, so we know they were radicalized but that still doesn’t explain how they know Beth,” Rollins chimed in, “did she have an account on here?”   
“Doubt it” Carisi said, “but we could always pay her a visit and ask…”   
“She’s in Jersey with her aunt,” Olivia said, “destressing after the attack, it’s about a two hour drive away…”   
“Then we can call her,” Sonny said, “or we could just ask her roommate...what’s her name…”   
“(y/n)” Olivia said, “Good idea, Rollins and Fin, you can talk to her, Carisi why don’t you call Beth.” 

“A conversion site?” you said in disbelief, “Beth would never go on one of those.”   
“You sound pretty sure, why is that?” Detective Rollins asked you and you had to resist the urge to roll your eyes.   
“Because she’s my best friend, has been for five and a half years, if she had any secrets I would know them...trust me on that” you said, “and she’s been through that whole conversion bullshit before, she has fully accepted herself for who she is, believe me.”   
Rollins looked taken aback by what you’d just said and had to blink a few times to regain her composure, meanwhile the detective behind her, a black guy with a thick accent looked a strange mix of livid and uncomfortable.   
“Wait, she has a history in conversion camps?” Rollins asked.   
You looked down at your feet and nodded. Beth had told you her secret in confidence during one of those late night crying sessions when she’d felt the need to spill her guts to you. She’d told you everything, all the dark and disturbing details. You’d sworn not to tell another soul, but this was serious, if it had something to do with the men who raped her, you knew you had to tell the police. Those men deserved to go away for what they did, if Beth didn’t tell, they would do it to another girl, then another, then another. A trail of broken lives in their path, and all because of her and Beth.   
You took a deep breath and found that your throat was tight and your eyes were welling up with tears. You blinked them back and coughed a little.   
“She was fourteen, her parents were insane, livid when she came out to them. They sent her to a church employed therapist who tried to convince her that being a lesbian was the worst thing in the world and basically Clockwork Oranged her to try to turn against the female sex as a whole. She was electrocuted, basically tortured, she lost a year of her life to those bastards in that camp and nobody did a damn thing!”   
Your chest heaved and you felt Rollins place a comforting hand on your shoulder, bringing you out of the trance that anger had put you in and back to the real world.   
You breathed and tried to compose yourself.   
“She ran away when she was fifteen to her aunt Joy. She welcomed her with open arms with her two little cousins, they’re ten and twelve right now, from what she’s told me they're really happy to see her again…”   
Rollins squeezed your shoulder and gave you a small smile.   
“You did great, honey” Rollins said, “do you know her parent’s names, addresses?”   
You remembered she’d told you her mother’s name once, she only ever referred to her parents by her first names, not that she really talked about them too much.   
“Hope Rhodes” you said, “Joy’s her sister, her maiden name is Bingley, probably the same for Hope.”   
You spat her name with venom, you hated her for what she had done to your friend, you hated her with all your heart and soul, you hated her father too and everything they stood for. Your blood boiled and your vision turned red.   
You remember whispering some half-assed goodbye to them as they left. You remember closing the door behind them and taking a deep breath, leaning your back against the wall and sliding down to the floor before letting out a scream of anger and frustration the likes that you didn’t even know you had the power to produce. 

“You’re saying her parents may have...solicited those men to rape their daughter in an effort to turn her straight?” Rafael said in disbelief, his eyebrows raised as he looked at Olivia and Rollins with suspicion, “I’ve never heard of anything like this before.”   
“Yeah, well neither have we,” said Rollins, “but you know what they do to kids in those Conversion camps, and from what the roommate said, Beth already went through that…”   
“You talked to her roommate?” Barba asked, a sudden rush of protectiveness coming over him at the mention of her, “and she knows this how?”  
“Beth told her” Rollins said, “and from what Carisi got from Beth, their stories match up almost to a T.”   
Rafael exhaled, had he known the detectives talked to her, he would have called her already to check in on her. Since he’d spent the night almost twenty-four hours ago he’d texted her at least a dozen times. She assured him she was doing fine, a deadline mid-term paper coming up, he told her to take it easy, something almost laughable for him to say, and she had assured him that she was fine.  
Though he knew better than to take a person’s word at face value, that’s why he was such a good lawyer.   
“So you want a warrant for the Rhodes’ internet information, have you spoken to them yet?” he asked.  
Olivia nodded, “Carisi and Fin paid them a visit right before we came over here, I’m sure they’re either back in the box or not cooperating right now.”  
Barba nodded, “it’s late,” he said, “but I can get one for you, on one condition…”   
Rollins and Benson looked at him wide eyed and in anticipation as he quickly drew up a warrant and signed his name at the bottom, all he had to do was get a judge’s signature and there were about two still in the office downstairs.   
“Well...what is it?” Rollins asked.   
“You don’t bother me for the rest of the night unless it’s an absolute emergency.”


	7. Show Don't Tell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth's case investigation evolves and the reader and Barba share another night together, sparks fly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thank you so much for reading! Please leave kudos and comment your thoughts as well as bookmark for updates when I post next!

A knock sounded on the door of Adam and Hope Rhodes. It wasn’t uncommon for the neighbors to come calling at this hour. In their perfect suburbia, they had people of all time coming over to ask for an extra egg, a spare cup of flour, delivering some mail left in the wrong box. It was all commonplace, which is partially why Hope Rhodes had opened the door when it sounded. Later she would think back to this moment and recount how she felt the oddness in her stomach, as if she knew something wasn’t alright before it even came to fruition. Yet, for some reason, even though she was wary of opening the door, knowing it could be the police at any moment ready to arrest her, she did. Maybe it was because deep down, way deep down beneath her rotten little homophobic, conservative heart, she knew what she had done to her daughter, had been wrong.   
So when she was met face to face with police officers, she didn’t resist. She didn’t tell her husband to run, delete the account, the messages between her and those men who they had paid nearly $5000 to commit the most heinous act imaginable on their only child.   
She simply held her hands behind her back and let the detectives do what they needed to do. 

Rafael didn’t know what reaction to expect from her when he showed up unannounced at her house, in one hand a bottle of wine, in the other the complete box set of the Godfather series in the other. He now regretted the choice of movie, he had stopped by Target on the way over and just grabbed the first movie set he’d seen. Either way, they didn’t have to watch the movies, he knew, he would settle for Game of Thrones again or even something as stupid as Family Guy just to be with her and take her mind off of things, take his mind off of things.   
When the door still hadn’t opened a few minutes after he’d first knocked, he’d tried again, this time announcing himself.   
Still nothing.   
Suddenly, a car pulled up into the driveway and he saw her hop out of the car, a heavy looking book bag on her back and her hair up in a messy bun, she was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. She waved goodbye to whoever was driving the car as they sped away. She paused when she saw him, her eyes growing wide, a shocked smile on her face.   
“Rafael,” she said, making her way up to him, shifting the bag on her shoulders, “what are you doing here?”   
“I...uh…” he gestured to the bottle of wine and the DVD set in his hands, “heard the officers stopped by, I was just wondering if you needed a little relaxant.”   
She let out a little giggle, her cheeks turning a bright scarlet color as she met his gaze, “that’s very sweet,” she said, “and I never say no to free wine.”   
She walked past him towards the door and opened it with her key, she threw her bag onto the ground and it landed with a thud. He’d almost forgotten how heavy college backpacks were. She walked into the kitchen and he followed her, she produced a bottle opener and unstopped the wine, pouring two glasses and handing him one of them, taking a sip for herself.   
“So, uh...how are you doing?” Rafael asked, he was usually so good with his words, but with her, he couldn’t seem to string together a simple sentence. A toddler would be better equipped at talking to her than him.   
“I’m good, I talked to Beth today,” she paused, “did her parents really set her up?”   
Her voice was deathly calm and flat, but there was something underneath, something cold and angry that would have made the devil quake with fear had he heard her.   
He stayed silent, “I can’t discuss that part of the case with you, there is a warrant out for their arrest however” he said, “that’s public knowledge.”  
She looked up at him from her wine glass and took a deep breath before turning her gaze back down to her glass and nodding.   
“Good,” she said, “they deserve to rot.”   
She slammed back the wine and swallowed before pouring herself another glass. She shook her head.   
“I’m sorry for all you and Beth are going through,” Rafael said, “if you ever need anything…”   
“Call you,” she said, “I got it, plus I’m sure you’ll be there whether I call you or not.”   
Rafael cocked his head and blinked a few times at her, “what is that supposed to mean?” he asked.   
She giggled and shot him a little smirk, “people don’t just show up at other people’s houses with wine and movies because they’re the friend of a victim whose case they're trying to solve.”   
“So, maybe that’s not the only reason why I’m coming over,” he said, setting down his wineglass and gently turning her chin towards him.   
Their eyes met, her’s soft (e/c), and open, it was like he could see the whole universe within her, every single constellation and planet, every single breathtaking aspect all held inside her. It was like she was a flame in the middle of the darkness, and he was a moth desperate to burn.   
“Tell me then,” she whispered, her voice losing all the cold edge it had had moment ago, all traces of anger gone, replaced by awe and nerves, “tell me why you’re here, why you keep coming back, why you care so much.”  
But once again, the words failed him. And for the first time in his life, he found that it was easier to show rather than tell.   
Their lips collided in a kiss, soft and innocent. He had never been one to believe in the classic tropes of love. When he had been with Yelena, it had been more like confetti than fireworks, and he had thought that was it, that was the “magic” that people had obsessed and overdramatized for years.   
It had all seemed like a lie to him, but oh how wrong he’d been, because the moment their lips touched, it was as if the entire world suddenly made sense. His heart raced and his breath caught in his chest.   
When they broke apart, he let out a breath he didn’t even know he’d been holding. He stared into her eyes saw all his feelings mirrored in them. She placed her glass down on the countertop and gave him her undivided attention, pushing stray locks of hair behind her ears, a bright scarlet color overcoming her.   
“That..uh..answered things” she said.  
“In a good way or a bad way?” Rafael asked, and his heart stopped for a moment, what if she didn’t feel the same things he felt? What if he was nothing more than confetti in the presence of her Fourth of July night?  
She smiled wickedly, the blush all but gone, and suddenly pressed her lips to his, and the feeling of fireworks overwhelmed him again. Her smile tingling his skin.   
She, very slowly, pulled away and looked up into his eyes with that mischievous smirk still on her lips.   
“You’re not the only one who can show and not tell” she said, “did I answer your question?” 

They’d lawyered up before they even reached the precinct. Hope and Adam Rhodes on the surface were pillars of the community. They volunteered at their local church, Adam was a youth minister and a columnist for an online, right-wing blog, while Hope was a school administrator at the preschool, one of the preschools Olivia had originally thought to put Noah in. It sent chills down her spine that she had once come so close in contact with this despicable woman.   
TARU had already got onto their computer, one account was registered to Adam Rhodes on ChnageyourSinfulWays.com, conversations in private chats with both Matt and Alex, soliciting the rape of their own daughter, saying that she wanted to be helped and the only way she could do that was to be...it was too graphic and horrible for Olivia to even think about.   
While they had enough to arrest Adam, that still left Hope. Nothing tied her to the rape of her daughter, other than the fact that she was a terrible mother, but they couldn’t put her in jail for that. No charges had ever been filed on her for child abuse, neglect, nothing. They had nothing to hold her on, but they needed to find some fast.   
She was in the interrogation room alone right now. The lawyer that Adam had hired was busy with him now. If they got her talking, she just might turn on her husband and admit her own guilt. It as a long shot, but Olivia could tell that the woman was close to breaking. The guilt had to be eating her alive, even if she believed heart and soul her daughter was doomed to hell and that this was the only way to save her, deep down, she had to know it was wrong, either that or she was the biggest most delusional person Olivia had ever met.   
She and Carisi walked in together. Carisi leaned against the wall by the door in the corner while Olivia took a seat at the table.   
“I shouldn’t be talking to you,” Hope Rhodes said, “my lawyer told me not to…”   
“Well your lawyer isn’t here now is he?” Olivia said.   
Hope fell silent and stared blankly at Olivia, who began to flip open the file containing the charges and evidence photos against Adam and the boys, photos of Beth’s bruised face and broken body, photos of the house during the search, she watched as Hope’s face contorted into a look mixed with both worry and anger.   
“I gotta tell you, Hope,” Olivia began, “it doesn’t look good for your husband.”   
Hope stayed silent and averted her gaze from the photos.  
“We have his account, his chats with Matt and Alex, we know he paid them to rape your daughter,” Olivia turned the file around to show Hope the photos of Beth, the girl’s face was stained with tears, a handprint around her throat, a black eye, a split lip.   
Hope let out a shaky breath and touched the photo of her daughter, tears formed in her eyes but she quickly suppressed them, hardening herself to the reality of the horror of what her and her husband had ordered.   
“I have to ask, why on earth would you do this to your own daughter?”   
Hope finally let a tear slip down her cheek, swiping it away as if Olivia and Carisi wouldn’t notice.   
She swallowed, “it wasn’t supposed to be like that,” she whispered, “we told them to do whatever it took to help her, we didn’t want them to hurt her…”   
“Well, they did hurt her,” Olivia said, her heart stone cold to the woman and her crocodile tears, “they beat her, they raped her, they left her bleeding and injured on the floor of her home, she’s traumatized and you know what? She’s still a lesbian, none of this changed a damn thing about her!”   
Hope quivered under Olivia’s words and sobbed, “I’m so sorry…”   
“You should be!” Olivia shouted, “so you knew your husband was talking to Matthew and Alexander Goodall, and paid them to rape your daughter?”   
Hope nodded, “I knew, it was supposed to help her, that’s what Adam told me, we were saving her...we didn’t mean to hurt her…”   
“Well, you did,” Olivia said, “and if you want to help her now, to start being a good mother, you need to confess to both your and your husband’s part in the crime so that she can start to move on, so that we can give her justice.”   
Hope seemed to think about this for a while, her tears stopping, she was still looking at the photo of her daughter. She picked it up and held it in her hands before she nodded and turned her gaze back to Olivia.   
“Alright,” she said, “I confess.” 

You awoke to the buzzing of a phone on your nightstand. You were disoriented and it took you a moment to remember the night before. At first you had thought it was a dream, but then you realized that Rafael was real, his presence in your bed was real, and his coffee, aftershave, unknown spice smell surrounding you was real.  
Once again, he was snuggled up to you, his arm around your waist, your back pressed against his stomach. You smiled at the memory of last night, the feeling of his kiss on your lips making your entire body feel like you’d jumped into water slightly too cold for comfort, but the warmth of his body making everything feel just right.   
His phone stopped buzzing and you snuggled back up to him, trying to go back to sleep when his phone buzzed again just seconds later. You heard him let out a groan before rolling over and rubbing his eyes. He too seemed to take a moment to remember the events of the night before flashing you a sheepish smile that you returned.   
“Good morning” you said, “last night was slightly more eventful than our last sleepover, wasn’t it?  
“Just slightly?” he said raising one of his eyebrows, “that’s not how I remembered it.”   
You laughed and his phone buzzed again, “you should get that, seems important” you said.   
Rafael just nodded and grabbed the phone.   
“Barba speaking” he spoke into the phone, all lightness and calmness leaving his body, replaced by an icy like sternness that sent a chill down your spine.   
“What?” He asked sharply, snapping you out of your revere, “how? Was it by the book?”   
He waited a few moments as someone on the other line answered his questions, your heart pounded, his jaw slack, his mouth slightly agape. Suddenly the two of you were wide awake.   
He nodded, “I’ll be there in ten,” he said before hanging up.   
Rafael turned back to face you, a slight shocked look in his emerald eyes overshadowed by excitement.   
“What is it,” you asked, “what happened?”   
He smiled as he jumped out of bed, “we just got a break on the case,” he said, god he was like a little kid on Christmas, “call Beth, her mom just confessed to setting up the rape, we’re proceeding to trial.”


	8. Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Reader and Rafael prepare themselves for a trial, Rafael makes a promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey you guys! Thank you so much for reading, please don't forget to leave a comment and like as well as bookmark for updates when I post next! I hope you enjoy.

The phone rang three times before she picked up.   
“(Y/n),” Beth asked, her voice slightly worried, “what’s wrong?”   
You shook your head on the other line even though she couldn’t see, “nothing’s wrong, Beth, nothing…”   
“Okay,” she said, slightly calmer, still a little on edge though, “what’s up?”   
“Beth…” you didn’t know what to say, how to say it, normally the police could do it, or maybe even the DA, but Beth didn’t know those people, she deserved to hear it from a friend, to retain some illusion of privacy even though both you and her knew that there was none left.   
“Beth,” you started again, “your mom confessed to setting up the rape, the three men confessed to being paid off, your dad is still pleading innocence but your mom said it was his idea originally so he’s going to trial but...Beth they got ‘em.”   
Silence on the other end of the line.   
Your chest hurt and you could just imagine Beth on the other end, her mouth slightly opened as she didn’t know what to say, her brows knit together in confusion and hurt, her gaze downward as she scanned through her mind trying to process what she’d just heard. You could see her taking a seat wherever she was, her body tense, a numbness running through her, you not there to hold her when she cried.   
“Beth!” you heard a muffled child’s voice say in the background, her cousin.  
A few seconds later she responded, “what?”   
“Dinner!” the voice replied back.   
“Be there in a second!” her mind suddenly brought out of their thoughts and back to the present.   
She paused for a moment before turning back to the conversation she was having with you on the phone.  
“Hey, I’m sorry, I gotta go,” she said.  
“Alright,” you said, “the court date is in in May, still the ADA wants you down earlier so you can go over your testimony…”   
“Yeah, yeah, I got it,” Beth said, she seemed a bit overwhelmed by it all, you could hardly blame her.   
“Beth! Come on!” her cousin screamed again.   
“Go, have fun, I’ll see you soon,” you said.   
“See you soon,” she replied, “stay safe.”   
“Love you too, Bethy,” you said.   
Then the call ended.  
But as soon as that call ended, your phone lit up again, and the name of the caller instantly brought a smile to your face.   
You answered immediately. 

This was technically only their second date. Besides the Black Chicken on that disastrous night, the only other place they’d been at was her house, the house that she was currently in the process of selling but making little leeway on as no realtor even wanted to set foot in the crime scene house.   
He could tell she was stressed, he figured a night out on the town would do her well. She’d been at her house and at class and currently neither of those things were very relaxing. Plus, he wanted to see her all dressed up again like he had that first date.   
When she met him at Rosario’s she was wearing a nice pair of slacks and a black cardigan over a white shirt with floral designs on it. She still took his breath away, after almost a month and a half of dating, or whatever they were, what even were they? He wondered if there would come a time when she could walk into a room and he would feel nothing, he prayed not as truthfully he liked the sensation.   
Coming out with him seemed to be doing her well though. She was rambling about her classes right now, the sound of her voice reminded him of the sirens in the Odyssey. He’d had to read the epic back in high school as part of his advanced class, he remembered the sirens made sailors sail directly into their deaths and he was certain that if she were one, he would sail directly into those rocks just like those sailors.   
“Rafael?” the sound of his name breaking through his lull, “did you hear me?”   
He nodded his head as he swallowed the piece of calamari he’d been chewing for the past few minutes, “of course I was,” he said, “can you just repeat the question?”   
She snorted and rolled her eyes, “I asked how work was going for you,” she said.  
Rafael thought for a moment, “we got the three men who raped Beth to take a plea, her mother too, her father, no such luck,” he paused, “they’re all going to testify against him, he’ll go away for 15-20 years for conspiracy to commit rape and assault, we might even be able to charge him with conspiracy to commit murder since one of the assailants had a gun.”   
He noticed her eyes had gone wide and he realized that while these men and numbers might just be numbers on a page to him, they were her best friend’s nightmares. He leaned over and grabbed her hand in his.   
“I’m sorry,” he said, “I shouldn’t have dumped that on you all at once.”   
She shook her head, “no, it’s fine,” she said, “I’m just wondering how long are the three men and her mom going to be in jail for?”   
Rafael felt his heart stop a little at her request, he took a deep breath, “the brothers, Matt and Alex, are getting two years and a life on the sex offender’s registry, the other, the one with the gun, is getting five and the registry, her mom is getting ten years probation and is a registered sex offender,” he stopped, “I wish we could get more, but then they might try to fight it in court and I need their testimony to seal the case against her father…”   
“Rafael,” she said, squeezing his hand, “thank you.”   
Rafael let out a mirthless laugh, “it’s not good enough, I wanna tear these bastards apart but, the defense is gonna argue it was consensual, say she wanted it, they still might argue that with her dad, that she believed in the conversion…”   
“That’s a lie!” she almost shouted, her eyes getting an angry glare in them that reminded him of his own, it would have been funny had it not been in this context.  
“Yes, you know that, I know that, the jury might not, not without the testimony of Beth’s mother, the pervs,” he stopped, “and Beth and you.”   
“Me?” she breathed, “why, I wasn’t there?”   
“I know, but you were the one who Beth made her initial outcry to, your a key witness,” Rafael saw her eyes change, the anger leaving and being replaced with a resilient if somewhat scared look.   
He squeezed her hand tighter, “I promise, I will be there with you every step of the way,” he said, his voice low and calming, “I will not let you and Beth do this alone, Adam Rhodes will not get away with this.”   
Tears formed in her eyes but she blinked them away, she nodded and gave him a small smile, “thank you,” she said.   
Rafael brought his hand up to his lips and kissed it, “I promise.”


	9. More Than Just Like

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day of the trial has finally arrived but that is one of the least exciting thing to happen that day...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is up my dudes? Sorry won't be doing that again, but I just wanted to tell you guys that I hope you enjoy the chapter and please remember to like and comment your thoughts also bookmark for updates when I post next! Thank you for reading!

It was next week when the car finally pulled up outside of your house. You stood outside on the front step, anxious as the passenger door opened in what seemingly took an eternity. You watched as Beth climbed out of the car, looking around and taking in her surroundings, it had been almost two months since she had set foot here.   
Once you saw her, you sprung, you raced over to where she stood and wrapped your arms around her body, crashing into her like a bus. You clung to her like you hadn’t seen her in years. Once she got over the shock of your hug attack she too wrapped her arms around you and held you close.   
“God I missed you so much!” You said, “you wouldn’t believe the last two months I’ve had!”   
“Neither would you!” Beth said.   
You could feel your eyes welling up with tears at the sound of her voice mixed with her presence, it was like a lifetime had passed and yet no time at all.   
“Let’s get inside, girls,” the voice of Beth’s aunt rang out.   
“Wait to ruin the moment, Aunt Joy,” Beth said jokingly.   
You laughed, Jersey had done her well.   
Joy rolled her eyes at Beth’s comment and popped the trunk, grabbing out the two suitcases she and Beth had packed for their stay.   
You led Beth and her aunt inside, helping Joy with one of the heavier looking bags. Beth stiffened before she entered the house but after sitting down on the couch and having a few moments to talk with you she began to relax.   
“The ADA wants to meet with you tomorrow,” you said to Beth as she leaned against the countertop watching you while you made coffee and hot cocoa, “he wants to go over your testimony.”   
Beth nodded, silently accepting the mug from you and sipping thoughtfully.   
“This doesn’t happen to be the same ADA as the one you went on a date with three months ago, is it?” she asked, one eyebrow quirking up.   
You nodded, “it is,” you said.   
Beth smiled at you, “I never did ask how the date went,” she said, “I guess this is my answer.”   
You laughed a little, “I can tell you now,” you said but she shook her head.   
“No you can’t” she said, “you’ve gone over it so many times by now you probably only remember a few things, and given your track record of dates, probably not the interesting things either.”   
“True,” you said, “but please, just lemme talk about him, I’ve been wanting to for the past three months pleeeeeaaaaassssseeeee?”   
Beth smacked you on the arm, “yes, fine go ahead.”   
You joined her on the countertop and sipped on your cocoa, “he’s really nice, Beth,” you said, “like really, really, really nice. He bought me flowers on the first date, I think you knew that already though, and he listened to me ramble on and on about my damn book that I am currently sitting in the middle of writer’s block with, but anyway, he also came over one night when it was just, rough y’know? And he kind of just, cuddled with me and…”   
“Did anything else happen on this night?” Beth asked with a wink.   
You smacked her shoulder playfully, “no,” you said, “we’re not there yet.”   
“In the story or have you still not…”   
You bit your lip, your face turning bright red at the mention, you weren’t really sure this was the time to bring it up with Beth. Not with the whole reason why she was down here and all, but if she wanted to get back to normal life shouldn’t you?  
“Oh my god! You so have! You ho!” she cried happily, setting down her mug and wrapping her arms around you in another hug, “THESE are the type of juicy details I need, tell me everything!”   
She pulled away and picked up her mug, now fully enraptured by every word.   
“It was...nice” you said.   
“That’s all?” Beth asked, “I haven’t seen you in two months and all I get is ‘nice’?”   
You rolled your eyes, “fine, it was the best I ever had, is that what you wanna hear?”   
Beth nodded happily, “what was he like?”   
“Oh come on, Beth!” you said.  
She giggled, “I’m serious, tell me!”   
You sighed, “I don’t know, it was kind of a mess, we were both a little tipsy, he came over with wine and a movie boxset, one thing led to another and it just sort of, happened.”   
Beth’s shoulders slumped slightly defeated as she realized your ability at talking smut hadn’t improved much in your short time of being with Rafael.   
You felt like you had to give her something though.  
“I guess the hottest part about him is his hair,” you said, “it’s this dark, black color slicked back or rumpled or, I swear the best, is when it’s brushed up so like it has this wave to it, god he wore that once and I was ready to take him right then and there, Beth.”   
She smiled, “now I’m liking this a bit more, tell me, what else?”   
“His eyes,” you breathed, “their so pretty. Their green and sometimes they have gold threads in them and ugghhhhh,” you pressed your hands to your face and dramatically raked them down, Beth laughed.   
“‘Gold threads’ forgot you’re a writer at heart, for a second that description almost sounded normal,” she laughed and you smacked her again.   
A silence fell between you as you wracked your brain for more to say about Rafael. What wasn’t there to say in truth, you were so overwhelmed with all that you could talk about you’d been rendered dumb.   
There was just so much to say, so many things you loved. Like how the right side of his mouth turned up first when he smiled, or how his voice was better than your favorite song (and yes, you knew exactly how cheesy that sounded). Truth be told the thing you loved most was his nose, for getting in the way all those months ago and slamming into the back of your head. If that hadn’t happened, if you had quit like you wanted, if you hadn’t walked over there with the drinks just at the right time for his hand to hit the tray, if it hadn’t been for the hospital for the broken nose, if you had changed one decision, you wouldn’t have all of this. And the thought of that terrified you.   
Oh god, you thought, you were falling hard and fast for the sarcastic, quick mouthed, sassy, sweet, sensitive, Rafael Barba.   
And you were pretty positive that your feelings from him were no longer just covered by the term, like. 

The trial was today, not that Rafael Barba was nervous. No, nervousness implied that the defense actually had a chance in hell of getting an acquittal. With Beth’s testimony and the testimony of his wife, the three rapists, and (y/n), the jury would be out for about twenty-five minutes before they sentenced the bastard to fifteen to twenty.   
In his opinion the defense had wasted their time and, most importantly, his.   
He was waiting outside the courthouse when he heard the sound of heels clicking behind him, he turned to see (y/n) walking towards him, her hair tied back into a bun, she was wearing dress pants and a blazer.   
He smiled, “you look almost as good as me,” he said.  
She rolled her eyes, “I don’t know,” she responded, “I think the tie you’re wearing costs you a few points.”   
“What’s wrong with my tie?” he asked, looking down to inspect the multi-colored rainbow, stripe tie.   
She opened her mouth to respond just as he raised his finger to silence her.  
“Don’t answer that,” he said.   
She laughed and his heart fluttered a little inside his chest at the sound, he loved her laugh.   
Wait, had he just said he loved her laugh? LOVED?   
Suddenly she took in a sharp intake of breath and pressed her hand to the right side of her abdomen. A pained expression passed over her for a moment and she closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip for a moment before she let out a sigh of relief and let her body relax.   
“What was that?” Barba asked, “are you alright?”   
She nodded, her face turning bright red, “yeah, um...cramps.”   
Rafael felt his own face burn scarlet, before he could apologize for the awkward encounter, two women walked up, one he recognized as Beth, the other was an older woman who bore a striking resemblance to the younger girl, her hair a dirty blonde color, slightly duller than Beth’s, and cropped into a bob cut. Their eyes were the same also. This must be the aunt, Joy.   
“There you are,” Beth said, entwining her arm around (y/n)’s before turning to him and presenting him with an outstretched hand to shake, “ADA Barba,” she said, “good to see you again.”   
Rafael took her hand and shook it, “you to, Beth, wish it could be better circumstances though.”   
Beth winced at the mention of the trial, which was beginning in two minutes or so, but she nodded politely and masked it well. The girl was impressive at handling her emotions, the mask she wore almost as impressive as his own.   
They dropped hands and Barba said his hellos to Joy, when he turned around (y/n) and Beth had gone, Joy walked off a few moments later to find them and almost immediately after the doors to the courtroom opened and Barba walked in followed by a crowd of spectators and jurors.   
He took his place at the prosecution table and spared a glance at the defense. The attorney hired by Rhodes was some guy hired off the pages of phone book, he doubted he had any experience ever until now and he smirked a little at that.   
This was going to be far too easy. 

“Prosecution calls (y/n) (y/l/n) to the stand,” Rafael’s voice rung out through the courtroom, bringing you back to the situation at hand.   
The pain in your side had reached a fever pitch and it seemed you couldn’t go a second without it feeling like you were being stabbed. You reminded yourself to take more advil once a recess was called.   
Beth had taken the stand first, Joy second, then the two left during a recess, Beth unable to face her mother and the men as they told the jurors about what they’d done to her. You stayed back to wait for your turn, and now, here it was.   
Carefully you stood up and walked to the stand, trying to move as painlessly as possible, which was unsuccessful, but you doubted anyone noticed your plight. You tried acting as normal as possible, nothing, not even your own physical pain could ruin this for Beth.   
You took your seat and looked up to see Rafael staring at you, a concerned look in his eye but you nodded signalling that you were ready. You watched him take a deep breath, noticing the dark circles under his eyes signalling sleeplessness and stress, you wondered if he felt how hot it was in the courtroom, if he was sweating just as much as you.   
“Ms.(y/l/n), what is your relationship with the victim?” Barba asked.   
“She’s my roommate, “ you said, “has been since freshman year of college.”  
“During this time has she ever, presented an interest in conversion therapy or religious treatments of homosexuality?” he said the word treatment like it was dipped in acid.  
You shook your head, “no. She did tell me she was once forced to attend a conversion camp though by her father, the defendant, Adam Rhodes.”  
Rafael nodded, squinting at you. He was like a shark circling bait.  
“And where were you on the night of March 2nd, 2017?” he asked.   
You swallowed, “I was out at a bar,” you said, careful to leave out any details that might cause a conflict of interest, “the Black Chicken.”   
You recounted the entire night’s events and the aftermath verbatim to Rafael. The pain in your side growing each minute.   
The defense lawyer came next, asking virtually the same questions with slightly different spins, questions you’d answered for Rafael multiple times during preparations.   
Finally you heard the judge speak your name, “thank you Ms. (y/l/n), you may step down.”   
You thanked her and returned to your seat in the stands.   
“Court is adjourned for the day, we will reconvene in the morning at nine am,” the judge said, banging the gavel and you felt your body relax as much as it could.   
You needed to get out of there.   
As you walked out of the courtroom you gave a passing glance to Rafael, you wanted so much to run up and hug him and beg him to take you home but now was not the time nor the place, you could call him once the trial was over, right now you just needed to get home.   
The taxi ride back to your house was almost unbearable, you were moments away from bursting into tears of sheer agony when you pulled up at your house and stepped out of the car.   
Opening the door you stepped into your living room and another fresh wave of pain hit you, more brutal than before. Whatever this was, it was not just cramps. You let out a cry of pain and moments later, Beth was right by your side.   
“(y/n)?” Beth’s voice rung out, except you couldn’t hear over the ringing in your ears, “(y/n)!?”   
“I need to go to the hospital,” you mumbled before another wave of pain crashed over you and another cry escaped your throat. 

It was 8:00pm when his phone rang, he almost didn’t answer, but then he saw the name on the phone, (y/n), and he picked it up.  
“Hello?” he said, he’d been worried about her all day, something had been off in court, she wasn’t her usual self.   
On the other end there was heavy breathing and a shaky voice like someone had been crying.   
“(y/n), is everything alright?” he asked, panic rising in his voice.  
“Mr. Barba” the voice on the other end said, it wasn’t her, “it’s Beth, her roommate..”   
“Yes, Beth, I know who you are” he said,“what is it? Why are you calling me from (y/n)’s phone?”   
“She’s in the hospital” she said.   
“What?” he asked, his heart beating fast in his chest, “why, did something happen to her?”   
“Appendicitis” Beth replied, “she’s going in for an appendectomy now, I just thought you’d wanna know.”   
He held the phone between his ear and his shoulder and began to pull on his vest and jacket.   
“Alright, I’m coming” he said.   
“Wait, can you just drop everything?” she asked.   
“No” he said, “but I’m coming anyway.”


	10. End of Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of part one, the beginning of so much more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed the first installment of All the Lights in New York City! This is a series the next parts will show marriage, new cases, more Beth, babies, and Barba backstory! Thank you all for reading and I hope to see you in part two!  
> \- Hailey

Rafael burst through the door to the ER and scanned the waiting room, his heart fluttering inside his chest like a bird desperate to escape a cage. His eyes settled on Beth’s aunt Joy, who was sitting in a chair talking to someone on the phone. She looked surprised when she saw him and quickly ended the conversation as he walked over to her.  
“Beth told me you were coming,” she said, “(y/n)’s in the patient bay, she hasn’t gone back yet, you can talk to the nurse and they’ll take you back to see her.”  
He nodded and walked over toward the front desk, after some talking to the nurse and some doing what he was best at, making his case, he was finally brought back to see her.  
She was pretty doped up on medication, her hair was tied up in a hairnet and there was an IV in her arm administering fluids, a heart rate monitor beeped soothingly throughout the room. She was messing with the clip on her finger when he entered. Beth stood by her bed, trying to get her to stop playing. Both looked up when he walked in, while Beth welcomed him with an awkward hug, (y/n) seemed surprised to see him.  
“Good thing you got here when you did,” Beth said after releasing him from her hug attack, “she’s about to go back in a few minutes.”  
Rafael nodded and glanced at (y/n), she was still playing with the clip on her finger, but she paused at the mention of surgery and winced.  
“Good thing I did,” Rafael said.  
Beth nodded, looking back at her best friend and then back at Rafael.  
“I’m gonna go get a cup of coffee leave you two alone for a bit,” she said, “remember to leave room for Jesus little missy,” she teased, (y/n)’s face blushed red.  
Beth walked by him and exited the room, leaving the two of them alone.  
“Hey you,” she said.  
“You really should listen to her,” Rafale said, “that’s a medical device, not a toy.”  
“Anything’s a toy if you play,” she said, looking up at him and flashing him a smile. She put down the clip and gave him her full attention.  
“Do you normally drop everything to visit friends of victims in the hospital or are you just here to prosecute my appendix?” she asked jokingly.  
He smiled and sat down in the empty seat next to her bed.  
“If you need to, I’ll testify” she said.  
“Will you?” he asked, and she nodded.  
“I’ve already done it once, a couple more times and I should be a pro at this” she said, laughing a bit at her own joke.  
They sat in silence for a moment and she began to fidget again. She was obviously nervous. Rafael leaned over and took her hand in his, she turned up to meet his gaze, her eyes wide and afraid.  
“What is it cariño?” he asked, using the Spanish term for endearment, not realizing that this was the first time he’d ever called her anything but her own name, “you can tell me.”  
She sighed taking a deep breath before turning her gaze back up to meet him, her eyes wet and glistening with tears.  
“I’m afraid” she said.  
He squeezed her hand, “don’t be” he said, “doctor’s sometimes do ten appendectomies before lunch, it’s pretty standard.”  
She nodded and squeezed her eyes shut, “what if something goes wrong?” she asked, her voice weak and pitiful, a tear rolled down her cheek.  
Impulsively he leaned over and wiped it away, she turned to look at him.  
“Then I’ll convict your bastard appendix and he’ll spend twenty-five to life in maximum security with a pair of tonsils.”  
She let out a little laugh and he kissed her on the cheek.  
Just then, the door opened and two nurses walked in, “alright, Ms. (y/l/n), are you ready?” one of them asked.  
She nodded and used her free hand to wipe her eyes.  
“I’ll be here when you wake up” he said and kissed her again, on the lips this time.  
The nurses unhooked the bed and wheeled her out of the room, he held onto her hand until she was out in the hallway, and watched her until she disappeared behind the doors of the operating room. 

The surgery was a success, according to the doctors at least. It took little under twenty-five minutes to complete, yet almost two hours later she still hadn’t woken up from the anesthesia.  
Beth and Joy had gone home almost twenty minutes ago to shower and Rafael had remained adamant about staying with her until she fully woke up. He held her hand, tracing circles on the back of her palm. His phone kept buzzing with calls from Olivia and Carisi, he ignored them, texting them back that it was a family emergency. Didn’t stop them from trying to reach him.  
Suddenly, she stirred and her eyes opened again, turning to look at him, this time though, she didn’t close them, didn’t fall back asleep within a matter of seconds, instead she looked at him with tired eyes.  
“Hey you” he said, repeating the very same words she’d spoken to him once he’d arrived, “how are you feeling?”  
She blinked a couple times before registering where she was. She turned to face him and giggled a little.  
“Rafi-Taffy?” she said, “what are youuuuuuuuu doing here?”  
He laughed a little, the doctors had warned him that she would be a little loopy when she first woke up, little seemed to be an understatement though.  
“Rafi-Taffy?” he said confused, he couldn’t help the smile appearing on his face at the nickname, “where did you come up with that?”  
She seemed to ignore his question and stretched, she glanced down at their entwined hands and let out a little giggle.  
“What?” he asked, not able to suppress his own little laugh at the sight of her so...relaxed.  
“You’re holding my hand” she said in a sing-song voice, “I think you like meeeee!”  
He snorted and brought her knuckles up to his lips and planted a kiss on them, “I do” he said.  
“Rafael, I have a secret” she said in a whisper, she leaned over so that he could feel her breathing on his neck.  
“I love you” she whispered before sliding back down on her bed and dissolving into a fit of giggles that even a child would find excessive.  
He stared at her giggling form, taken aback by the abruptness of her confession. Was it true? Or had the anesthesia caused for her to mistake him with someone else...but she had called him Rafael, Rafi-Taffy, and she seemed pretty aware of what was going on. His mind raced at a thousand miles per minute, then, the door to the room opened and in walked Beth.  
Her wet hair was thrown back into a ponytail and she was dressed in her pajamas, a bag slung over her shoulder. She smiled at the sight of her best friend giggling. .  
“She’s up,” she said, turning to look at a shocked Rafael, “anything interesting happen while I was gone?”  
Rafael shook his head, suddenly unable to speak, his mouth dry.  
“Rafael Barba said he likes meeeeeee!” she laughed, “I’m a Barba girl, in a Barba worlddddddd!”  
Barba’s ears turned scarlet.  
“Alright, alright little Miss, let’s let the ADA go before he turns any redder,” she said, gently guiding (y/n)’s hand out of Rafael’s.  
Rafael was too stunned to do anything but stare at her.  
“Thank you for coming,” Beth said, “she really likes you, if she did anything...embarrassing tonight, please don’t hold it against her.”  
Barba nodded, “It’s...it’s no problem.” he stammered out before sparing one last glance at her, the girl who had just moments before confessed her love for him, she was calming down now, her body relaxing.  
He turned and stalked out of the room, his mind racing.  
Yet he wasn’t afraid, he knew fear, he’d felt it numerous times in his childhood and back when he was receiving death threats on the regular. This was not fear he felt.  
This was shock and relief. Because the moment Rafael heard the door click behind him, he knew that he loved her too. 

You were discharged from the hospital at around twelve o’clock the next day with a prescription of painkillers and a cool new scar from your belly button to your waist the only evidence of your appendectomy...that and the video of you hyped up on painkillers that Beth took.  
The entire night after the surgery was a blur, truth be told most of the time prior to the surgery was a blur too. You vaguely remembered the panic that came over you when you learned you needed emergency surgery. You remembered Rafael wiping away a tear on your cheek, his lips soft and warm on yours, then darkness and the haze of the hospital lights as you woke up the next morning to Beth’s manic laughter as she watched the video of you singing “Ain’t No Hollaback Girl” very off key and hardly able to understand had it not been for the spelling of Bananas that was honestly the most hilarious part.  
“Please tell me Rafael wasn’t here to see any of that,” you’d asked Beth when she’d first shown you the video. She’d only wiggled her eyebrows and gave you a small smirk and you’d known you’d horribly messed up.  
You groaned and threw your head back, “was it that bad?” you asked.  
“He looked like a tomato by the time he left here,” she said, “but I only came in after you started singing ‘I’m a Barba girl, in a Barba world!’” she laughed and you felt mortified.  
You were home now laying in your bed and trying to focus on anything other than how you were probably never going to see Rafael Barba ever again and how hopeless that made you feel.  
A knock sounded at the door and since Beth and Joy were out at lunch, you climbed out from your reverie and opened the door, and there standing before you was Rafael Barba, his suit replaced with a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. You’re face immediately turned red as you thought about the night before.  
“Hey,” you said, not daring to meet his gaze, “what are you doing here?”  
“Beth called, told me you were home,” he said, “and I think we have to talk about last night.”  
You blushed harder.  
“I, uh, don’t really remember last night all too well,” you said.  
Rafael laughed, “doubt you would, you were feeling pretty good,” he paused before taking in a deep breath, “so you don’t remember telling me that you loved me?”  
Shit.  
You looked back up at him, your mouth agape, your eyes wide, “Oh...oh my god, Rafael...I-I…” you stammered unable to speak.  
But he took your hand in his, and for a moment you thought he was going to end it, and that thought almost broke you.  
“It’s okay,” he said, coming closer to you, his free hand turning your chin up to you, “because I love you too.”  
You paused for a moment, something felt different in the air between the two of you. Something light and easy, like a wall that neither of you had even known was there was suddenly removed, and now here you were, in front of each other.  
He pressed his lips to yours and it was the most wonderful feeling in the world. Your heart soared as you processed his words, and a rush of fireworks shot through you, brighter than all the lights in New York City. Rafael Barba, the tough talking ADA of Manhattan, had fallen head over heels and love for you and was standing here kissing you in front of your house.  
You broke apart and pressed your forehead to his, closing your eyes, noses touching together, desperate to be with him once again. His breath hot on your cheek.  
“I love you,” he whispered again, “just promise me one thing.”  
“What is it?” you asked.  
You could feel him smirk, “please never refer to me as ‘Rafi-Taffy’ again.” 

June. The sun was high overhead, sweat making your graduation gown cling to you. Beth sat next to you in the student section. Both of you holding your diplomas. Master of English and Secondary Education and Master of Genetics sitting side by side, holding hands, wearing the biggest smiles on your faces.  
“Congratulations Students!” the head of the school called and the crowd erupted into applause.  
You and Beth stood and tossed your caps into the air with the hundred or so other caps. They filled the sky, the sun momentarily blocked out for a moment. Beth jumped into your arms and you held her there, both of you cheering, the crowd around you cheering as well.  
You glanced to the crowd of spectators, eyes scanning the faces, finally settling on the one face that you loved most, Rafael Barba in the stands cheering for you. He really was a great guy, one of the best you’d ever met, possibly the best in the world. He had put away Beth’s attackers, all of them. You had cheered for him then, and here he was, cheering for you now.  
Beth was moving back to New Jersey in a few weeks, she was offered a job at the hospital only a thirty minute drive from her aunt’s house. You had an offer at the local high school as an Intro to Shakespeare and English Literature teacher. The world looked perfect and bright, and the future wasn’t so scary anymore.  
Not while the ADA of Manhattan was by your side.

End of Part One


End file.
